Although I have somewhat paid my debt to Bill for this site, I owe Mike for both the site and his suggestion that no life is so bad that a West Highland White Terrier pup cannot make it more so! So here you are Mike!
As told to me by his loving wife Patty Bickar (and a few friends who shall remain nameless).
When they were first married, Porky and Patty lived in the back of a small mom & pop country store where they had rented the basement. As times were tight, Patty canned some cucumbers and warned Porky to stay the hell out of the jars, which were lined up along near ceiling joist in the basement. Patty made it clear that she would add some breathing holes in Porky’s hide if he touched those jars as she well knew Porky’s curiosity. Of course nothing like that was going to stop him so Porky promptly jumped up, stole a jar and ran outside with it where the store owners were holding a picnic. Patty was and still is an ace shot and not about to let Porky get away with that so she popped one off out of a pistol she had nearby, just missing Porky’s hind end. For some reason this caused the picnic guest’s great concern, until they discovered the crime. Porky escaped the noose that time.
One does not mess with Patty’s canned goods!
Through out their marriage, Patty was Porky’s equal. Porky passed several years ago, Patty’s absolute love for him is still quite obvious nor has she lost any of her “true grit”! Porky was a great artistic metal worker and placed several large metal moose around town, including one in Sitka’s downtown Swan Lake. Three years ago, a St. Patty’s Day jokester painted the moose green. Although Patty does indeed have thick skin from so many years of pranks, she had enough of this green moose a couple months ago and wrote a polite letter requesting that the moose be returned to its original rust brown façade. Needless to say, Sitka now has its brown moose once again peacefully munching dinner out of the lake. This may seem rather tame to many, but getting anything done in Sitka usually takes three committees and at least two years of planning.
When Patty politely asks that something be done, it happens! Since Patty taught the vast majority of Sitka kids through out her many years in our school system, Sitka adults are well aware that what Mrs. Bickar asks you to do, YOU DO!
Porky spared no one in his pursuit of a good joke.
Not too long ago, Sitka was the host of a large conference of Telephone Execs and Community Leaders dealing with the challenges of providing reliable telephone service to the remote islands in S.E. Alaska. Fed up with the tardiness in dealing with this issue, Porky had a cage of pigeons delivered AND set free in the large conference facility as the meeting commenced. The pigeons remained free and perched in the rafters throughout the meeting with frequent reminders of their presence raining down among the participants. This apparently assisted the meeting participants in resolving the issues in record time.
S.E. Alaska now has reliable telephone service, although Porky’s place was supposedly one of the last places to get hooked up
As one might imagine, Porky had a group of good friends who were up to his tricks and who ran a healthy competition to determine exactly who the best prankster in town was.
Porky had a lawyer friend draw up official looking papers that stated a local crab dealer's outfit down on the water was polluting the Sitka channel. Porky had the papers served on Labor Day weekend shutting the place down.
The owner had told Porky years before that Porky could come down and take some crab out of the pots behind the place if he ever wanted any. One evening after Porky’s little prank, Porky decided to hold a crab dinner for some important out of town friends. Since this dinner was a last minute affair and required Porky to show off, Porky decided to serve fresh crab. Patty told Porky that he better clear it with the owner so Porky called him and got permission to go down to the dock and pick up the crab. Porky proceeded down to the dockside outfit with these out of town big shots to show them just how fresh these crabs were and how a real Alaskan grabs a live crab dinner, but when Porky was taking the crabs out the cops showed up and arrested him for theft.
Now Porky was on the Police Commission but the cops that were sent to arrest him were new and had no idea who this guy was. They had been told that this Porky guy was a notorious thief and in great need of incarceration. Porky was needless to say handled the way any notorious crab thief should be treated and it really didn’t matter to the police who these fancy dressed mucky-mucks with him were.
When this procession all showed up at the police station the regular cops were waiting and had a great laugh as they made the unamused rookies release Porky from handcuffs.
Although many have heard of Porky’s tire fire in the local dormant volcano and this accomplishment has been rated as one of the top twenty world wide pranks of all time, what is not as well known is what occurred during a local parade.
Another “good friend” of Porky’s sold Porky an old Model A Ford, Porky carefully fixed it up in secret specifically for it’s début in the parade. At the last minute, this “good friend” came over from Juneau with his "girlfriend" and wanted to ride in parade knowing full well that all seats in the car were already taken, When Porky explained he had no room, this friend happily claimed space on the roof of the vehicle.
Now as with all small towns, Sitka’s annual parades are well attended community events and Porky was as happy as he got showing off this newly restored Model A.
Patty was where she always stood and in charge of the numerous school kids taking a break to watch the parade. Patty was a natural for this job as few kids dared to “act-out” in her presence; none made such mistakes more than once. In her position by Sitka’s landmark Russian Church, (located in the middle of Sitka’s main street), Patty could monitor not only her charges but could as well keep an eye out for any of those local adults that may need a quick stern look to let them know they needed keep a lid on their celebrations until her charges were back safely in the classroom. Sitka folk tend to start their partying early in the day given half the chance.
As Porky came driving around the Church, he was amazed at the reaction his Model A had on the crowd. Yes like at most parades it is standard for everyone to wave and cheers for the best costume, float, band performance or horse is expected, but despite Porky’s cheerful waves and tossing of candy “kisses” to the crowd, what he received in return were absolute stunned looks and silence. You’d think people remembered what a Model A looked like but to Porky it appeared like he’d just driven the town’s first Ferrari for all to see. Dumbfounded is a good description for the looks he saw staring back at his friendly waves.
Until he rounded the curve by the Church and looked into Patty’s eyes.
She was as mad as he had ever witnessed, and it obviously had something to do with him.
As Porky had not recently stolen any fresh canned goods that he could remember, Porky had no idea what was going on. In fact, it was not until the parade was finished and he had met Patty at the end of the parade route that he discovered how close to a bull’s-eye he had become. How Patty had ran over a mile in less than two minutes is still a topic used to prod Sitka’s running teams to glory. They don’t stand a chance.
When Porky had last seen his rooftop passengers, the supposed girlfriend of Porky’s buddy had climbed up top wearing the typical South East Alaska attire, a logger’s oversized flannel shirt and blue jeans, but by the time the Model A made it to the Church, she had her pants off and was in process or removing the shirt. According to Patty she had "two postage stamps and a thimble on" and not much more.
Although Patty did her best to control her charges, sex-ed came several decades early to Sitka’s youth that year.
Porky was even more puzzled as he arrived at the end of the parade route and witnessed Patty not only waiting there for him but laying into him with the most foul "fisherman's wife" language anyone in this rough neck fishing and logging town had ever heard.
The rooftop sex-ed specialist had by that time covered up and split down the street. This “girlfriend” turned out to be a professional striper hired for the job. She was later arrested and sent to Ketchikan on a one way - don’t even think of returning - ticket.
Porky still had no idea what was going on as the girl had put her clothes back on before they stopped. It took several minutes of Patty chewing him out before Porky realized he’d been had. Despite his connections with the Police Department, Porky was promptly arrested and tossed in jail with a $250 bail. Love conquers all as they say as Patty posted bail, but she may have taken a little longer than necessary to find that last $10 bill.
Porky’s Lawyer friend got all charges against Porky dismissed the next day when it was determined that Porky knew nothing about the prank. The “good friend” and the now famous Model A disappeared that night. Patty saw to it that space was made on the ferry and that neither the car nor the “good friend” ever returned. Although the Police did have an outstanding warrant for his arrest, it was the fear of Patty that kept both away.
Patty made sure that Porky apologized to the entire town and the kids via the radio next morning.
The “girlfriend” made the mistake many years later of bragged about the event in a bar in Portland Oregon only to learn that Porky's daughter was there. Patty’s daughter was up to the task and the “girlfriend” quickly exited the building. Fortunately there were no pistols available at the time as all of Porky and Patty’s kids share both the Bickar humor and great skills. Porky’s son Brian runs the community welding shop and is greatly respected for his work. Despite his mother’s influence, there are a few great Brian stories out there as well.
Although many years have passed since this event, Patty still does not see the humor in it. Yes, I witnessed first hand the look that Patty is famous for when I made the mistake of laughing as she described her horror of watching the “postage stamps and thimble” first come ‘round the corner.
This world needs a lot more Patty’s, Porky’s, Mike's and Bill's!
As told to me by his loving wife Patty Bickar (and a few friends who shall remain nameless).
When they were first married, Porky and Patty lived in the back of a small mom & pop country store where they had rented the basement. As times were tight, Patty canned some cucumbers and warned Porky to stay the hell out of the jars, which were lined up along near ceiling joist in the basement. Patty made it clear that she would add some breathing holes in Porky’s hide if he touched those jars as she well knew Porky’s curiosity. Of course nothing like that was going to stop him so Porky promptly jumped up, stole a jar and ran outside with it where the store owners were holding a picnic. Patty was and still is an ace shot and not about to let Porky get away with that so she popped one off out of a pistol she had nearby, just missing Porky’s hind end. For some reason this caused the picnic guest’s great concern, until they discovered the crime. Porky escaped the noose that time.
One does not mess with Patty’s canned goods!
Through out their marriage, Patty was Porky’s equal. Porky passed several years ago, Patty’s absolute love for him is still quite obvious nor has she lost any of her “true grit”! Porky was a great artistic metal worker and placed several large metal moose around town, including one in Sitka’s downtown Swan Lake. Three years ago, a St. Patty’s Day jokester painted the moose green. Although Patty does indeed have thick skin from so many years of pranks, she had enough of this green moose a couple months ago and wrote a polite letter requesting that the moose be returned to its original rust brown façade. Needless to say, Sitka now has its brown moose once again peacefully munching dinner out of the lake. This may seem rather tame to many, but getting anything done in Sitka usually takes three committees and at least two years of planning.
When Patty politely asks that something be done, it happens! Since Patty taught the vast majority of Sitka kids through out her many years in our school system, Sitka adults are well aware that what Mrs. Bickar asks you to do, YOU DO!
Porky spared no one in his pursuit of a good joke.
Not too long ago, Sitka was the host of a large conference of Telephone Execs and Community Leaders dealing with the challenges of providing reliable telephone service to the remote islands in S.E. Alaska. Fed up with the tardiness in dealing with this issue, Porky had a cage of pigeons delivered AND set free in the large conference facility as the meeting commenced. The pigeons remained free and perched in the rafters throughout the meeting with frequent reminders of their presence raining down among the participants. This apparently assisted the meeting participants in resolving the issues in record time.
S.E. Alaska now has reliable telephone service, although Porky’s place was supposedly one of the last places to get hooked up
As one might imagine, Porky had a group of good friends who were up to his tricks and who ran a healthy competition to determine exactly who the best prankster in town was.
Porky had a lawyer friend draw up official looking papers that stated a local crab dealer's outfit down on the water was polluting the Sitka channel. Porky had the papers served on Labor Day weekend shutting the place down.
The owner had told Porky years before that Porky could come down and take some crab out of the pots behind the place if he ever wanted any. One evening after Porky’s little prank, Porky decided to hold a crab dinner for some important out of town friends. Since this dinner was a last minute affair and required Porky to show off, Porky decided to serve fresh crab. Patty told Porky that he better clear it with the owner so Porky called him and got permission to go down to the dock and pick up the crab. Porky proceeded down to the dockside outfit with these out of town big shots to show them just how fresh these crabs were and how a real Alaskan grabs a live crab dinner, but when Porky was taking the crabs out the cops showed up and arrested him for theft.
Now Porky was on the Police Commission but the cops that were sent to arrest him were new and had no idea who this guy was. They had been told that this Porky guy was a notorious thief and in great need of incarceration. Porky was needless to say handled the way any notorious crab thief should be treated and it really didn’t matter to the police who these fancy dressed mucky-mucks with him were.
When this procession all showed up at the police station the regular cops were waiting and had a great laugh as they made the unamused rookies release Porky from handcuffs.
Although many have heard of Porky’s tire fire in the local dormant volcano and this accomplishment has been rated as one of the top twenty world wide pranks of all time, what is not as well known is what occurred during a local parade.
Another “good friend” of Porky’s sold Porky an old Model A Ford, Porky carefully fixed it up in secret specifically for it’s début in the parade. At the last minute, this “good friend” came over from Juneau with his "girlfriend" and wanted to ride in parade knowing full well that all seats in the car were already taken, When Porky explained he had no room, this friend happily claimed space on the roof of the vehicle.
Now as with all small towns, Sitka’s annual parades are well attended community events and Porky was as happy as he got showing off this newly restored Model A.
Patty was where she always stood and in charge of the numerous school kids taking a break to watch the parade. Patty was a natural for this job as few kids dared to “act-out” in her presence; none made such mistakes more than once. In her position by Sitka’s landmark Russian Church, (located in the middle of Sitka’s main street), Patty could monitor not only her charges but could as well keep an eye out for any of those local adults that may need a quick stern look to let them know they needed keep a lid on their celebrations until her charges were back safely in the classroom. Sitka folk tend to start their partying early in the day given half the chance.
As Porky came driving around the Church, he was amazed at the reaction his Model A had on the crowd. Yes like at most parades it is standard for everyone to wave and cheers for the best costume, float, band performance or horse is expected, but despite Porky’s cheerful waves and tossing of candy “kisses” to the crowd, what he received in return were absolute stunned looks and silence. You’d think people remembered what a Model A looked like but to Porky it appeared like he’d just driven the town’s first Ferrari for all to see. Dumbfounded is a good description for the looks he saw staring back at his friendly waves.
Until he rounded the curve by the Church and looked into Patty’s eyes.
She was as mad as he had ever witnessed, and it obviously had something to do with him.
As Porky had not recently stolen any fresh canned goods that he could remember, Porky had no idea what was going on. In fact, it was not until the parade was finished and he had met Patty at the end of the parade route that he discovered how close to a bull’s-eye he had become. How Patty had ran over a mile in less than two minutes is still a topic used to prod Sitka’s running teams to glory. They don’t stand a chance.
When Porky had last seen his rooftop passengers, the supposed girlfriend of Porky’s buddy had climbed up top wearing the typical South East Alaska attire, a logger’s oversized flannel shirt and blue jeans, but by the time the Model A made it to the Church, she had her pants off and was in process or removing the shirt. According to Patty she had "two postage stamps and a thimble on" and not much more.
Although Patty did her best to control her charges, sex-ed came several decades early to Sitka’s youth that year.
Porky was even more puzzled as he arrived at the end of the parade route and witnessed Patty not only waiting there for him but laying into him with the most foul "fisherman's wife" language anyone in this rough neck fishing and logging town had ever heard.
The rooftop sex-ed specialist had by that time covered up and split down the street. This “girlfriend” turned out to be a professional striper hired for the job. She was later arrested and sent to Ketchikan on a one way - don’t even think of returning - ticket.
Porky still had no idea what was going on as the girl had put her clothes back on before they stopped. It took several minutes of Patty chewing him out before Porky realized he’d been had. Despite his connections with the Police Department, Porky was promptly arrested and tossed in jail with a $250 bail. Love conquers all as they say as Patty posted bail, but she may have taken a little longer than necessary to find that last $10 bill.
Porky’s Lawyer friend got all charges against Porky dismissed the next day when it was determined that Porky knew nothing about the prank. The “good friend” and the now famous Model A disappeared that night. Patty saw to it that space was made on the ferry and that neither the car nor the “good friend” ever returned. Although the Police did have an outstanding warrant for his arrest, it was the fear of Patty that kept both away.
Patty made sure that Porky apologized to the entire town and the kids via the radio next morning.
The “girlfriend” made the mistake many years later of bragged about the event in a bar in Portland Oregon only to learn that Porky's daughter was there. Patty’s daughter was up to the task and the “girlfriend” quickly exited the building. Fortunately there were no pistols available at the time as all of Porky and Patty’s kids share both the Bickar humor and great skills. Porky’s son Brian runs the community welding shop and is greatly respected for his work. Despite his mother’s influence, there are a few great Brian stories out there as well.
Although many years have passed since this event, Patty still does not see the humor in it. Yes, I witnessed first hand the look that Patty is famous for when I made the mistake of laughing as she described her horror of watching the “postage stamps and thimble” first come ‘round the corner.
This world needs a lot more Patty’s, Porky’s, Mike's and Bill's!
