Suckerash Wood Helm Hubs

W

Will-C

New member
Hi,
I just wanted everyone to know we just received our first shipment of suckerash helm hubs from our vendor in China. These beautiful hand rubbed specimens are far different than the what has been available on this site in the past. Not only are they a lot nicer they are cheaper to boot. These beauties are selling at an introductory price of 1.00 each plus 96.00 DOLLARS FOR shipping and handling. We have light, medium, and dark finishes available. Us Venture owners can use all the floatation we can get! I only ordered a thousand so don’t be slow on the draw these wooden works of art are going fast. Sorry, no bamboo models yet. If you want to spend a little more we are in development of a picture frame type model that can hold up to 666 pictures that display for 3 seconds each just slide in an 2 gig SD card into the side and wa-la. The best is the one that flashes date, time temp and humility. April what???? :shock:
D.D.
 
$1.00 dollar? I just can't compete with that. I will still have to charge $15.00 for mine. But my $3./00 shipping and packaging may keep me in the running.

I only do the one design now in Teak which looks like the black plastic stock hub. Got to keep my costs down to compete with the other side of the Pacific.
 
I found a supplier who will make these hubs out of freeze dried fish (my favorite!). The advantages over the wood or even the plastic are: they look good, as the sun warms the cabin it acts like a scent strip (I love the smell of thawing fish in the morning), if you find yourself hopelessly lost or run aground you can EAT the hub! You're right - it doesn't get any better than this!!

And unlike my capitalistic friends, I am offering these hubs FREE to the first 2,500 who respond to www.heresmyprivateinfo.com. There will be a few questions to answer (like your bank account #s and your pin #s), but your privacy is guaranteed. We only sell our customer information to select "partners" who will improve your manhood or get you pharmacutical-type drugs at amazing discount prices!

Sorry, I am getting off topic here - back to the hubs. They are available in YOUR CHOICE of color, to match your boat trim, your fingernail polish, or your favorite Tella-Tubby! And, "How can you do this for free??" you're asking? We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you!

So, no reason to look at plastic, teak, or any other beautiful exotic hardwood in your wheel when you can have GENUINE ARTIFICIALLY COLORED FREEZE DRIED FISH... for FREE!

What are you waiting for? Operators are standing by now.

Offer not valid where we might get caught.

It's a new month - have a great day!
 
Hello my deer friend Mr C-Brat. I recieved your name from the Barrister handling my late father's estate. My father operated an orphanage here in Nigeria where poor, orphaned, good christian Nigerian children worked very hard with the Lords direction to produce over 30 million phinely crafted wood helm hubs. with the passing of my father im trying to keep the orphanage open and am begging kindly Mr C-Brat for a small donation in exchange for these fine items. Being that these fine items are part of my late fathers estate, there would also be a need for a hurried payment to release these phine items before they are destroyed by the goverment.

thank you for helping these poor orpahned orphans,
Rev Niwad Scamalamabombam
 
dotnmarty":l4o314n4 said:
Jim-Is there a warranty?
MartyP
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Thank you for bringing that up, Marty... yes, the hub is covered fully, for the life of the original purchaser... or, until you eat it. Which ever comes first. For full disclosure, the warranty is a third party issuance, your assurance of complete satisfaction. We are proud to be working with the Toyoda Accelerator Assurance Corporation to offer this warranty. That's right, the same people who warranty the "Miracle Pill That Transforms Water Into Fuel". As you can see, we are in this for the long haul. We know that once you have one of our Freeze Dried Fish Hubs for your boat, you'll want them for your car, your RV, your non-digital TV (the kind that still have knobs), and in place of the coconut bra that you wear on those "special occasions" (we have photos, by the way).

Supplies are running short, and when these are gone, they're gone. But, while they're here, they're here. So, get on-line and give the nice Nigerian businessman/royal family member your personal information.

But wait, there's more... order now and we'll send you - absolutely free (small shipping and handling fee required) - our newest marketing scheme: Make Sweaters And Scarfs From Cat Furballs. It's fun and profitable! Your whole family will enjoy this wearable ECO/recycled artistic clothing. Order now - yakking cats are standing by.
 
Game over we are sold out, a certain company that will go unnamed bought my entire stock of helm hubs they said something about wanting to get them engraved to match the seat logos. The idea of the dried fish hubs is intriguing. I'm buying stock in that spray da misses uses. I can't help but think of the noyce mister Niwad's kids getting stuck with all that inventory. Maybe I'll just send Mister Shamlamadingdong some well deserved cash. The Toyoda Accelerator Assurance Corporation at first glance I almost wet myself. :xseek Then I thought maybe the poster spelled it wrong but aftwer a few phone calls to our legal department once I woke them up, I see it was spelled correctly. I just got a great deal on boat and flood insurance from the Toyoda Accelerator Assurance Corporation so easy; both on the same policy. They are doing a brisk biness these days. Seems like there are a lot of hooked on phonics users out there today. Thanks for all the biness. Oh, my COD the Wood Helm Hub thing has been so good to me.
D.D.
 
dotnmarty":2d5zwjwo said:
Jim-does it come in cod?

MartyP
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Marty,

You keep asking the great questions! People are going to think we are in cahoots; but, you are in Washington and I am in Texas.

Right now, our FREEZE DRIED FISH HUBS are only available in the ever-popular lutefisk flavor. As we get established, we will be offering hubs in lutefisk, gar, carp, blow-fish, and "Cockroach of the Sea" (aka shrimp). Even though lutefisk is the only current flavor, please keep in mind that they are available in all popular colors. You can order our "Magic Color Wheel" to determine just the shade of chartreuse or puce that will match your interior or eye shadow. To answer your PM here (because others may have the same question), it is not available in lace to match your skivvies, but there is a pattern available in our Advanced Cat Furballs Add-On Kit (see previous post) that will show you how to knit a hub "koosie". Imagine the look on your friend's face (pretty sure I have that apostrophe in the right place) when he sees your hub koosie and says, "Marty, do you want to trade patterns?" Fun for the whole neighborhood!

To get back to your question here: no, cod flavor is not in our proposed line up. What are you - some kinda freak?

Yours in tasteful hubbing,
Jim and the staff of FREEZE DRIED FISH HUBS
 
In other news today, DeLorme announced a new product that will be of great interest to Brats who spend too much time on the couch.

Warren

P.S. Gotta love a company with a sense of humor! And a great example of viral marketing...
 
dave deem":211n9ojr said:
Game over we are sold out, a certain company that will go unnamed bought my entire stock of helm hubs they said something about wanting to get them engraved to match the seat logos. ...
D.D.
Click to expand...

Let this be a lesson to the unwary buying public. As the great philosopher P.T. Barnum once said, "The only good hub is a FREEZE DRIED FISH HUB!" It is my understanding that there is a virus going around the internet. Do NOT open any e-mail referencing "hub" from anyone named: Dave, David, Davey, Dewey, Huey, Louie, or anyone using the initials D.D. (aka Darling Devine, Marty's stage name).

If you find you have been hoodwinked by these unscrupulous disreputable scoundrels, you can contact our customer service department to register for the free ($49.99 shipping and handling) article: "How To Get Your Money Back (less shipping and handling) From Hub Hustlers."

Remember, we are the ORIGINAL FREEZE DRIED FISH HUB makers, serving the public for over 20 fruit fly years.

"If your cat doesn't lick it, you won't like it."

Nothin' says lovin' like some dried fish hubbin',
Jim
 
Amazing how things can change in only 24 hours... our entire operation has been bought out by Mrs. Pauls. Seems that our freeze dried fish hubs are more edible than her fish sticks. Since we are stepping out of the hub market, it seems only honorable to refer any future hub requests to David, the hand turned hub guy. While his creations are not edible other than by beavers, they are pretty and unique. Izzy ate the fish hub on our boat and we have now re-installed the wood hub we purchased from David. Joan says she actually prefers the wood, Izzy is less than enthralled. I considered putting fish trim in place of the wood on our boat, but frankly, this whole situation has left a bad taste in my mouth.

On the bright side, the buy-out will allow us the freedom to do whatever we want through the rest of this week. It's been a wild one-day ride, but I'm glad it's now April 2nd.

I regret that we are no longer able to fulfill any further fish hub requests.

Respectfully,
Jim B.
 
As the world turns, I mean as the hub turns, back to you David. Just a little April silliness. I do do think Marty and Jim had come up with a script. Either that or those two guys are really smart. So fast! So many good questions! The warranty thing kind of hurt my feelings. :| Not! Marty is one hell of a straight man. Well I guess he is straight, no matter, good fun. No disrespect intended the real wood helms guy lives on. I don't think Jim likes fish, calling shrimp; ocean cockroaches. They are high cholesterol. That ocean cockroach anology makes me not want to eat shrimp anymore. Happy Easter!
D.D.
 
Pat Anderson":gqw9ebzo said:
I can guaran-damn-tee that Jim DOES NOT LIKE FISH!

dave deem":gqw9ebzo said:
I don't think Jim likes fish, calling shrimp; ocean cockroaches. T
D.D.
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Part of what makes a good April Fools joke so good is to go for the absurd. Pat knows me well... well, Pat knows my gastronomical tastes well. :wink: He was kind enough to serve BEEF when he brought us to the Crab Palace. I will eat some kinds of fish under duress... I can't imagine what duress it would take to make me eat shrimp. I ate one at Marc's place in Apalachicola just to shut him up... "How do you know you don't like 'em if you don't try one?? These are different."

Yes, they bottom feed on your side of the Gulf instead of our side. Shrimp = bait. I also don't eat nightcrawlers. I live in the "Shrimp Capital of the US"... give me a good juicy burger... steak... pork... chicken. Hell, I would eat a healthy salad before I'd even consider eating shrimp. Look at 'em! It's not by coincidence that they are called the Cockroaches of the Sea.

Ewwwwwwwww. I'm going to go eat some sausage to get the thought of those nasty little things out of my head.

For disclosure, Marty and I did not pre-plan any of this. We are, however, preparing to take our act on the road. We have been called the new Penn and Teller... except we don't do magic... and I'm not as tall as Penn... I don't have a pony tail... and Marty talks. Perhaps we should go for the new Martin and Lewis? Marty will be in a tux with a drink in his hand... I will say clever things like, "Hey, Lady!"... Marty will be suave and debonair... I will be clutzy and goofy. It's all an act, of course. Just kidding... we are the new Rowan and Martin... "Say goodnight, Marty."

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Freeze dried fish hubs... what kind of a twisted mind comes up with that kinda stuff?? It's part of the absurdity! The part about shrimp = cockroaches of the sea? It would be funny if it wasn't so true. :twisted:
 
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