Seasport rumor
- Thread starter C-Dawg
- Start date
xxxxxx,
I hope you don't mind me just using your last name. In response to the pressures of political correctness in light of a certain manufacturer's in abilty to control the speed of some of it's products I'm going change my signiture to the Heart beat of the American Taxpayer or the old Diana Shore tune See the U.S.A. in your Chevrolet. Kudos to you sense of humor. I heard another rumor that some one is going to get into a rant about torte reform and how it could or could not effect health care costs. I'm trying to get the monkey of the back of the Toyoda brothers. Man I'm taking a beating on this thread.
Dxxxxx
I hope you don't mind me just using your last name. In response to the pressures of political correctness in light of a certain manufacturer's in abilty to control the speed of some of it's products I'm going change my signiture to the Heart beat of the American Taxpayer or the old Diana Shore tune See the U.S.A. in your Chevrolet. Kudos to you sense of humor. I heard another rumor that some one is going to get into a rant about torte reform and how it could or could not effect health care costs. I'm trying to get the monkey of the back of the Toyoda brothers. Man I'm taking a beating on this thread.
Dxxxxx
starcrafttom
Active member
lawyer joke time, I love lawyer jokes :wink:
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , TX . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.
The deputy says, 'License and registration, please.'
'What for?' says the lawyer...
The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'
Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'
'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please.'
The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'
'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy repeats..
Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket... If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'
'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the shit out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , TX . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.
The deputy says, 'License and registration, please.'
'What for?' says the lawyer...
The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'
Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'
'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please.'
The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'
'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy repeats..
Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket... If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'
'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the shit out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'
dave deem":mbu4fsv7 said:
I may have the distinction of the only nude photo on the C-Brats, but I can assure you that my "Gone Wild" days are all behind me. :twisted:
My favorite lawyer type joke comes from my cousin, who owns/operates a carnival...
Q - Why did God make lawyers?
A - So carny people would have someone to look down on.
Did you hear about the lawyer who dropped his wallet when getting onto his yacht? A shark jumped out of the water and spit the wallet back onto the boat.
Professional courtesy.
(rimshot) Thanks, I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress.
Why don't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
Sorry.....
True story:
I was in court in Honolulu testifying on a felony assault case I had investigated. The victim had been severely beaten as he sat in his pickup. The defense attorney asks me about pictures of blood splatter I had taken in the victim's truck, asking me specifics about direction, what they mean etc. I testified that I could not "analyze or interpret" blood splatter as I'm not an expert. I could only testify that I took them etc.
He kept asking me the same question, over and over again, but phrased differently, which is the oldest trick in the book. All with no objection from the prosecutor. :? Finally I look over to the judge and say "Asked and answered?, Your Honor...". The prosecutor jumps up and says "OBJECTION!", the Judge starts visibly laughing, the court observers and jury all smirk and giggle. The defense atty looks at me like he wants to KILL ME and turns visibly red. :lol: Made me realize I should've gone to law school. :wink:
Sorry.....
True story:
I was in court in Honolulu testifying on a felony assault case I had investigated. The victim had been severely beaten as he sat in his pickup. The defense attorney asks me about pictures of blood splatter I had taken in the victim's truck, asking me specifics about direction, what they mean etc. I testified that I could not "analyze or interpret" blood splatter as I'm not an expert. I could only testify that I took them etc.
He kept asking me the same question, over and over again, but phrased differently, which is the oldest trick in the book. All with no objection from the prosecutor. :? Finally I look over to the judge and say "Asked and answered?, Your Honor...". The prosecutor jumps up and says "OBJECTION!", the Judge starts visibly laughing, the court observers and jury all smirk and giggle. The defense atty looks at me like he wants to KILL ME and turns visibly red. :lol: Made me realize I should've gone to law school. :wink:
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Marc
Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Marc
Westfield 11
New member
Da Nag":3k3ruqmc said:
Hey, I thought that once we got our prescriptions last year it WAS legal in CA?
Pat Anderson
New member
I don't get ANY of these jokes...and thanks Uncle for getting this ball rolling!
What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.
Do you know how to save a lawyer who is drowning?
No.
Good
I think Jim XXXXX covered the alien thing already, I don't know if they were illegal or not I didn't go to law school.
D.D.
Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.
Do you know how to save a lawyer who is drowning?
No.
Good
I think Jim XXXXX covered the alien thing already, I don't know if they were illegal or not I didn't go to law school.
D.D.