THE AFFORDABLE BOAT ACT
The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: “The affordable boat act”
declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat, by April 2014.
These “affordable” boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This
does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel,
docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.
This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and
financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new laws
ensures that every American can now have a “affordable” boat of their own,
because everyone is “entitled” to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before
the end of the year, you will receive 4 “free” life jackets; not including monthly
usage fees.
In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of
owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy
people will pay more for something that other people don’t want or can’t afford
to maintain. But to be fair, people who can’t afford to maintain their boat will be
regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents boats to
party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own boat.
If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can’t). If
you don’t want or don’t need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you
refuse to buy one or can’t afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you
purchase one or face imprisonment.
Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert;
ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age,
motion sickness, experience, knowledge nor lack of desire are acceptable
excuses for not using your boat.
A government review board (that doesn’t know the difference between the port,
starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where, how
often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people
can ride your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able
to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has out lived its usefulness or
if you must purchase specific accessories, (like a $500 compass) or a newer and
more expensive boat.
Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so…it’s only fair.
The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with
these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.
Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they
and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of tax payers.
The End
The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: “The affordable boat act”
declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat, by April 2014.
These “affordable” boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This
does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel,
docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.
This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and
financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new laws
ensures that every American can now have a “affordable” boat of their own,
because everyone is “entitled” to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before
the end of the year, you will receive 4 “free” life jackets; not including monthly
usage fees.
In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of
owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy
people will pay more for something that other people don’t want or can’t afford
to maintain. But to be fair, people who can’t afford to maintain their boat will be
regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents boats to
party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own boat.
If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can’t). If
you don’t want or don’t need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you
refuse to buy one or can’t afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you
purchase one or face imprisonment.
Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert;
ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age,
motion sickness, experience, knowledge nor lack of desire are acceptable
excuses for not using your boat.
A government review board (that doesn’t know the difference between the port,
starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where, how
often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people
can ride your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able
to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has out lived its usefulness or
if you must purchase specific accessories, (like a $500 compass) or a newer and
more expensive boat.
Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so…it’s only fair.
The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with
these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.
Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they
and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of tax payers.
The End
