I will miss you, mom...

L

localboy

New member
Some of you know that I'm currently in Hawai'i, again. I have been here for a ~week, caring for both my aging parents and trying to figure out what the future would hold for them. My mom suffers from dementia and my dad has suffered a mild stroke, which has affected his right side.

Yesterday I took my 83 yr old dad over to the convalescent center where my mom was being rehab'd after a slight case of pneumonia. They had a very tender, loving visit and my dad held my mom's hand and kissed it over and over again the entire time. He stared at her and I could see how much he loved her. They have been married for 59 yrs. and I could tell my dad missed my mother terribly. She did not recognize him, but that didn't matter to him.

Last night, just before midnight, my mom passed quietly as she slept. She was 88. It was a shock, but now she is with my grandparents and no longer in pain (she had a very painful, degenerated left hip).

Say a prayer, or just have a good thought (whatever you believe in) for my dad. He has lost the love of his life.

Aloha....
 
I'm very sorry to hear of your Mother's passing. And I understand what you see in your Father's eyes. My Father died in 1997 and my Mother several years later. She went on to live her remaining years as that generation has always done, positive and reasonably happy but there was always that void that none of those who loved her could fill.

When my Father died I was with him, holding him and I had an experience that solidified my belief that we will be with those we love again. As I tried to comfort him I felt the presence of my Aunts and Uncles who had gone before and they told me that for him to be able to move on he needed to know that my Mother would be taken care of.

I told him that it was OK for him to go home and that I would take care of Mom. And with that, he simply said "home" and he was gone.

My experience in feeling the presence of those who loved him and who were waiting to welcome him home was as real as anything I could see or touch and for me there will never be a doubt that I will see Mom and Dad again or that they are together waiting to welcome us "home".

Take care of your Father during this time and take care of yourself as well. The love your parents had for each other and the legacy they have given to you will warm your heart in the years to come.

We'll pray for your father, and for you...

With sympathy for your loss...
 
Mark,

My sincere condolences. I wish I had some words to say to ease the hurt you, your Father, and your family are feeling. As our parents age, it is hard to see them lose the vitality that we saw all our lives. Their passing isn't unexpected, but it isn't easy. You are all in our thoughts and prayers.

Our sympathies,
Jim & Joan B.
 
Mark - like Jim, we offer our sincere condolences. I went through the loss of both parents in a two month period at the end of 2006, and Patty lost her Mom in January 2008. The grief lessens but you never quite get over missing them...
 
Mark,
Toni and I send our heart felt condolences. Both of my parents have passed on and from experience I can tell you that the loss does ease with time. I still think of them almost every day, as I am now, and whenever I experience some joy in life that they shared with me. Toni says whenever we see a white butterfly that its my mother, sharing some small part of our life, I hope your future has many white butterflies.
 
Mark,
Thank you for sharing a "picture" of your father and mother's love for each other and such a tender moment that they shared. My eye's filled with tears as I read your description of the goodbyes and continuing love they shared with each other. This is truly a moment that will last you for a lifetime and will turn to smiles for you in the future. My last moments with my mother bares a similar experience and one that I continue to treasure.
Our condolences to your father, you and the rest of your family!
 
Mark, as you know I just lost my own mother last month. No matter how well you prepare for the inevitable, it is still a shock and the grieving no less intense. My thoughts are with you, your father, and the rest of your family at this time.

In community,
Warren
 
Our deepest condolences. Your mother is definitely in a better place.

My dad died unexpectedly in 1989 just before his 69th birthday -- sometimes it seems like yesterday. My mother will be 90 in October and every time we talk on the phone, I can tell she is getting "things in order" so that she can move on despite being in overall good health.

Bill & Jane Uffelman
Las Vegas NV
 
Mark,

Beautifully stated, and going away is never easy. The bond of love keeping your parents together is something you will always remember and will give you strength in later years. Like your parents, we are “older” folks. I celebrated my 90th birthday a couple of weeks back, and we have enjoyed each other for nearly 58 years. We are blessed to have each other and three wonderful children.
Yesterday we attended a funeral for Kathy’s (EQ Kathy) son who passed away at age 38, leaving a wife and 6 year old son. Life is fragile, and each day so important.
Diane and I send our condolences and prayers.
Sawdust (Les Sr.)
 
Mark, Very sorry to hear about the passing of your mother. I hope for your dad recovers quickly. The passing of both my grandparents 10 years age was both painful for me yet released then from pain and confusion. I think of them often.
 
Marie and I send our sympathy and best regards to your and the entire family. We often don't miss our mothers and fathers until they are gone.
 
I understand your family's grief. My mother passed a year ago Christmas day at 99. Since the age of 85 she couldn't recognize life long friends. Alzheimer's is aptly named "The Long Goodbye". I believe our mothers are in a better place.

Phil
 
Lost my mom in '95. I was crushed. After Dad passed in '91 we'd grown closer than ever. We'd go fishing. I worked the rods. Mom ran the boat.

Her name was Adeline.
 
You and your Dad are in our thoughts and our sympathy for you both. May your family, and those wonderful memories of family times, help support you during this time of loss.
 
We're so sorry to hear of your loss Mark. My mom passed almost exactly a year ago and there's not a day goes by that I don't think about her. Like your parents, my mom and dad were together a long time (55 years) and it saddens me to see my father without his lifelong partner.

Take care and our thoughts are with you, Meredith and your family.

Peter & Caryn
 
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