When I tried a search for wide load requirements, it varies state by state. Seems that most don't allow travel after dark or weekends, and the fees vary. Some states restrict the type of roads you can travel on. I've visited with boaters who tow with a beam in excess of 8 1/2' that say they don't bother with permits... if you ever have an accident, regardless of whose fault, I would think the consequences could go very bad. Even though getting the permits would be a giant PITA, I don't see any way around that.
At a certain point, you have to decide what is really important... would the inconvenience of messing with permits keep you from towing state to state? What about the insurance when you're on the road? Only you can decide what will best fit the way you intend to use the boat. Going back to what Bill often says: "simplify"... how much boat do you need, and how little can you make work?
If working around your wife's desires, it would also be a good idea to have her in on the boat selection right from the get-go. Bring her to a C-Brat gathering to meet some very nice people who are using their boats. A few hours of visiting will have her ready to go... or you will know that this isn't for you.
Maybe knowing you can be comfortable with an easy, no-hassle beam would be a good investment in time spent? I'm not saying these boats are for everyone, but we have been delighted in how comfortable we can be on our CD-25. And no "wide load" permits or restrictions on where and when we can travel.
Good luck with your decisions.
Jim B.