OH NO!
It's that lutefisk time of year again!
OK, I'll do my part:
WHY ST. PATRICK'S DAY IS CELEBRATED EACH YEAR IN AMERICA
The reason the Irish celebrate St. Patrick's Day is because this is when St. Patrick drove the Norwegians out of Ireland. It seems that some centuries ago, many Norwegians came to Ireland to escape the bitterness of the Norwegian winter. Ireland was having a famine at the time, and food was scarce. The Norwegians were eating almost all the fish caught in the area, leaving the Irish with nothing to eat but potatoes. St. Patrick, taking matters into his own hands, as most Irishmen do, decided the Norwegians had to go. Secretly, he organized the Irish IRATRION (Irish Republican Army to Rid Ireland of Norwegians) Irish members of IRATRION passed a law in Ireland that prohibited merchants from selling ice boxes or ice to the Norwegians, in hopes that their fish would spoil. This would force the Norwegians to flee to a colder climate where their fish would keep. Well, the fish spoiled, all right, but the Norwegians, as everyone knows today, thrive on spoiled fish. So, faced with failure, the desperate Irishmen sneaked into the Norwegian fish storage caves in the dead of night and sprinkled the rotten fish with lye, hoping to poison the Norwegian invaders. But, as everyone knows, the Norwegians thought this only added to the flavor of the fish, and they liked it so much they decided to call it "lutefisk", which is Norwegian for "luscious fish".
Matters became even worse for the Irishmen when the Norwegians started taking over the Irish potato crop and making something called "lefse". Poor St. Patrick was at his wit's end, and finally on March 17th, he blew his top and told all the Norwegians to "GO TO HELL". So they all got in their boats and emigrated to Minnesota, the only other place on earth where smelly fish, old potatoes and plenty of cold weather can be found in abundance.
The End.
Another one:
Uff da!
You may need to be from Wisconsin or the U.P. of Michigan to appreciate this story.
The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman president, who happens to be from Wisconsin. A few days after the election the president-elect, whose name is Susan, calls her Father, Ole, and says, 'So, Dad , I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'
'I don't tink so. It's an 18 hour drive."
'Don't worry about it Dad, I'll send Air Force One.. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.'
'I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. Vhat would your mother vear?'
Oh Dad ," replies Susan, 'I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom- made by the best designer in Washington ..'
'Honey,' Ole complains, 'you know I can't eat dose rich foods you eat.' Do day serve tap beer ????
The President-to-be responds, 'Don't worry Dad. The entire affair will be handled by the best caterer in Washington; I'll ensure your meals are salt free. You and mom just have to be there.'
So Ole reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new president's Dad and Mom. Dad noticing the senator sitting next to him leans over and whispers,
'You see dat woman over dare wit her hand on da Bible, becoming President of da United States?'
The Senator whispers back, 'You bet I do.'
Ole says proudly, "Her brother played football for da Green Bay Packers."
Lots More:
http://www.uffdahhh.com/
Joe. :teeth :thup
