Daily Laugh

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Don-

That's really funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ROTFLMAO)

Dan-

I prefer this control set-up:

everymansremote.jpg


Joe. :teeth
 
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated
that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water
and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service

Merv
 
Getting bored today with the boat 600 miles away so I trimmed up the wifes poodle. See pic below













img_0015.sized.jpg
Merry Christmas from Panda the boat puppy :lol:
 
So, what does the poddle not pictured look like now?
Hang in there Jeff.... Your St. John's River cruise is just a few days away.

Byrdman
 
The following was taken from the BoatersEd website and from a thread on the advantages of using conventional vs. synthetic oils in older 4 cycle engines:

Synthetic vs. Dino Oils:

Beware of synthetic oil, it can do terrible things to you and your beloved fishing boat. It will not only leak out of your engine faster than you can put it in, but it will also cause your oil filter to clog and implode, dumping debris and dirt into your lubrication system. It also will make every part of your boat permanently slippery because of its linear molecular chain dispersion action. Then it will leak onto your throttle controls gunning the engine unexpectedly. That's not all... Synthetic oil will round off your gears and spin your bearings. It will also splatter onto your seat, causing your girlfriend to fall off on a swell and she'll never fish with you again. Synthetic oil coats your dipstick and your lube oil reservoir windows with a whitish pro-emulsification additive that is both non-removable and highly corrosive. Synthetic oil will completely leak into the bilge and out the drain plug overnight and your dog will drink it and die. Synthetic oil will wear out your trailer tires and make your battery leak. It will give you the desperate need to urinate after you put your raingear on and then jam your zippers shut. It will contaminate your gasoline causing your boat to stall while the waves are breaking and accelerate uncontrollably in choppy water. It will make it rain during tournaments and on weekends. It will over lubricate timing chains causing them to jump teeth and break your valves to bits. Synthetic oil chemically weakens valves and causes the clearances to change every six miles. Then it melts the black soles of your rubber boots every night before you walk across your new carpeting. While cruising by boats full of attractive women it will cause both of your control levers and steering wheel to slip off at the same time so you smash in to your fishfinder with the bridge of your nose. It also causes your shifting cables to crack, your studs to break, and your rocket launchers to warp, and then it voids your warranty by changing your hour meter to 10,000. It also dries out your livewell and wets your electronics box. Synthetic oil hides your 1/2" socket and puts superglue on your lures (or “Luhrs”). Synthetic oil will scratch your windshield and make your raingear shrink ten sizes. Synthetic oil will make you grow a tail. Synthetic oil will write long crazy e-mails to your Internet friends and then sign your name at the bottom. Really…it will.

Look what happened here when I switched to it...

Mitch

My Opinion - Worth What You Paid For It...

********************************************************************************
Joe. :teeth
 
Christmas With Louise

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of pantyhose over his
fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to
fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be
true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings
were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses
and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those
things at WalMart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only
confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does
this do? You're kidding me! Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it
to the inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also
substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool
lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come in many
different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the
box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I
settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the bottom of the price
scale. To call Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise
came to life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee
morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the
dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate
some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby
tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his
house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left
the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back
and bark some more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest
of the family could admire her when they came over for the
traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door.
"What the hell is that?" she asked.

My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."

"Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped.

I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.

"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.

"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Jay said, to steer her into
the dining room.

But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and
no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on
Granny, hang on!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to
me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"

I told him she was Jay's friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to
Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we
realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had
died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise
made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she
lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in
a heap in front of the sofa.

The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and
Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began
administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back
over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the
car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to
decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had
suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored
her to perfect health!
 
Hey Dusty,

Didn't mean for you to have a "moment" 'cos of it. Also better not show it to Les until he is fully recovered !!
Saw your wheels today when we passed by EQ to leave a Christmas decoration in the front yard.

Merv
 
When OJ Dies!!!!!!!!!



This is very very funny...


One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies.



He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.



"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell

you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't

quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take
their
place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to
the
first room.



In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in,
and
surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.



"No," OJ said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't

think I could do that all day long."



The devil led him to the door of the next room.



In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, this is no
good;
I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if

all I could do was break rocks all day," commented OJ.



The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying
on
the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a

spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.



OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."





The devil smiled and said . . . . . . .





(This is priceless)





"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
 
Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was REALLY angry.

She told him, 'Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!'

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ed has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him ...

:lol:
 
Tom and ccflyer - those are two good ones. I got a good laugh from both.

Bob Hazelberg (can't think of his C-21 tug's name) sent me this one today with a heading


"Seconds to Live"
boat_name.jpg

________
Dave dlt.gif
 
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same
day. They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be
admitted to Heaven. The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one
space in Heaven today so
I must decide which of one of you will be admitted." The Angel asked
Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should
go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're
the most perfect breasts G-d ever created and I'm sure it will please
G-d to be able to see them every day, for eternity." The Angel thanked
Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same
question. The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and
flushes it
without saying a word. The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty,
you may go into Heaven." Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that
all about? I showed you two
of G-d's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply
flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain
that
to me? "Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal
flush beats
a pair - no matter how big they are."
 
A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a
preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water
and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is
almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, and asks the drunk, "Are you ready
to find Jesus?" The drunk answers, " Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him
and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother
have you found Jesus?" The drunk says, "No, I haven't found Jesus." The
preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, for a
little longer this time. He again pulls the drunk out of the water and asks
again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?" The drunk again answers, "No, I
haven't found Jesus." By this time the preacher is at his wits' end and
dunks the drunk in the water again-but this time holds him down for about 30
seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The
preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are
you sure this is where he fell in?"
 
Disclaimer: My wife and all my girlfriends approved of this joke, so no flames from the ladies in the house. :mrgreen:

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "...And where do you think you're going?" To which she replied...

"I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"
 
Well, this just happened.
A guy in the jury pool stepped up to explain why he should be excused.
"I am in charge of carpet installation for eight crews and there will be chaos if I am not there to supervise. "
The judge (a blond) laughed and said she would excuse him based soley on his 'hutzpa.'
Next a young bald man stepped up.
"Sir, what's your reason?"
"I'm having my carpet installed."
 
Sally sent me this....

WOMEN KNOWING THEIR PLACES

Barbara Walters of television's 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul , Afghanistan , several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked 5 paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. From Miss Walter's vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands and were happy to maintain the old custom.

Miss Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?"

The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation, said..... "Land Mines."

MORAL OF THIS STORY: BEHIND EVERY MAN IS A VERY SMART WOMAN :shock:
 
Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?'

I still don't know if she was joking.
 
Why Dogs Are Better Than Women


Dogs don't cry.

Dogs love it when your friends come over.

Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.

Dogs think you sing great.

Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.

The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.

Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

Dogs are excited when you play rough.

Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.

Anyone can get a good looking dog.

If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

Dogs don't shop.

A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.

Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.

A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.

Dogs never insist on talking about your relationship.

A dog's parents never visit.

Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.

Dogs don't hate their bodies.

No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.

Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

Dogs never expect gifts.

Dogs never worry about germs.

Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.

You never have to wait for a dog. They are ready to go 24 hours a day.

Dogs have no use for flowers, cards or jewelry.

Dogs don't borrow your shirts.

Dogs never want foot rubs.

Dogs can't talk.

Dogs seldom outlive you.

Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
 
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