Daily Laugh

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Oh, that brings up so many stories that cannot be told on this site. Or in most civilized countries either. :shock: :oops:

One popular punch line is "I tink I'll risk yust vun eye". You Northern Europeans can fill in the rest. Us Swedes know them all...

Charlie
 
The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cockfights being held
around the outskirts of Shreveport and sent their best Cajun detective to
investigate.

He reported back to his sergeant the next morning.

"Dey is tree main groups in dis rooster fightin" he began.

"Good work. Who are they?" the sergeant asked.

He replied confidently, "De Texas Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia."

Puzzled, the sergeant asked, "How did you find that out in one night?"

"Well," he responded, "I went down and done seen dat rooster fight in person.

I knowed dem Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the fight."

The sergeant nodded, "I'll buy that. But what about the others?"

The detective nodded knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when
summbody bet on de duck."

"Ah," sighed the sergeant, "And how did you figure the Mafia was involved?"

"De duck won."
 
One morning a wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!

"We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!

"Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
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Dave dlt.gif
 
Dave- I was reading consumers' opinions about the Garmin C-330 Street pilot. Everybody was saying how user friendly it is, what good directions it gives, etc., etc., Then one women writes., "my husband listens patiently to the female voice on the Streetpilot giving exactly the same directions that he would holler at me for giving"
 
dotnmarty":16j2vpv2 said:
Dave- I was reading consumers' opinions about the Garmin C-330 Street pilot. Everybody was saying how user friendly it is, what good directions it gives, etc., etc., Then one women writes., "my husband listens patiently to the female voice on the Streetpilot giving exactly the same directions that he would holler at me for giving"
Click to expand...

I have the Garmin Streetpilot 2720 and can report that the female voice gets a decidedly disgusted tone beginning with the third "Recalculating" announcement in a row. In addition, she can't pronounce Guadalcanal Street worth a damn.

Otherwise she does a pretty good job, though local knowledge can many times get you there faster.
 
It's interesting that, in riding the SEATAC bus shuttles from the airport to the Edmonds "Harbor Inn", that the Magellan ( Either that or Garmin) Street pilot tells the driver to drive right past the street the hotel is actually on and to go thru two or three more stoplights while circling around back to the real street they just passed. My son noticed that too when he rode with them. I guess the drivers have explicit instructions to follow the Streetpilot, even though they can see they are driving right past the intersection of the street the hotel is on!

John
 
Dr. John-One recurring complaint (or not) about the device was that, although the directions were sometimes circuitous, it did get you to your destination. I would like to get one of talking GPS's.
 
Mine tries to talk to me but I keep the sound turned down. It keeps telling me to turn somewhere I don’t want to.
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Dave dlt.gif
 
Marty... Some ppl at the Harbor Inn and I were visiting about the apparent error in gps instructions.... to "go around the block" sort of thing. We finally decided it was because the driveway curbing on the closest entrance is designe to be entered from the opposite direction from what you'd be in if you took the actual shortest route. You would have to do a sort of "U" turn to get inside that curved curb design.

So, it may just be a very accurate deviation from what on the surface appears to be the shortest route.

John
 
John-That's scary! How do they fit all that info into that little package? I just ordered one from PC Nation. Now I can find all the buffets ! I wonder if it has an alarm for 'rib nite'.
 
My point is that it is very difficult to grab your keys to start the boat while hugging a tree....
I know that a stretch but when I made the picture it was the first thing I thought of.
 
A blond gets on a plane bound to Houston and sits down in first class.
The stewardess notices she has a coach ticket and says "Mam, I'm afraid you'll have to move back to coach as you only have a coach ticket".

The blonds responds, "I blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I going there in this seat".

The stewardess replies, "No, mam. You cannot sit there, you must move back to your assigned sit in coach"

The blond replies, more firmly ""I blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I going there in this seat".

The stewardess seeks help and gets the co-pilot. The co-pilot goes over to the woman and again explains that she must move back to coach.

Again the reply is ""I blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I going there in this seat".

The captain overhears the ruckus and comes out of the cockpit, he explains "Let me handle this. I'm married to a blond and I speak 'blondese' ". He leans over and whispers in the woman's ear and she bolts back to her assigned seat in coach. Amazed, the stewardess and the co-pilot ask "What did you say?"

The pilot responds -.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
I told her the first class section wasn't going to Houston!

With apologies to the blonds in the crowd - replace the word blond with red head, brunette, etc....
 
Roger – I liked it. It would not be funny if you changed the hair color of the blond.

Now you might have a blond from Texas come looking for you.
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Dave dlt.gif
 
oldgrowth":1sik5zol said:
Roger – I liked it. It would not be funny if you changed the hair color of the blond.

Now you might have a blond from Texas come looking for you.
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Dave dlt.gif
Click to expand...

We don't tell Blonde jokes in our family. It's not a respect thing... more of a FEAR! Sometimes those Germans have no sense of humor. :twisted:

Best wishes,
Jim (sleeping on the couch tonight - LOL)
 
I've had two blondes who worked for me, who kept blonde joke scrapbooks! And both of these were really sharp gals. For some reason, they loved blonde jokes.

I also had a bonde working for me who told everyone she's really blonde, but she dyes her roots dark to look more intelligent!

John
 
I have a friend from Vietnam that, for the longest, could not get the "blond" joke meaning. When we explained it to her, she started laughing- seems in her country, the blonds are considered smart.
 
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