Daily Laugh
- Thread starter Sea Wolf
- Start date
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Captains Cat
New member
MISQUOTE OF THE DAY... .........,
DAMN THE TORPEDOES FULL SPEED AHEAD... .
what he really said was,
BRING ME MY BROWN PANTS! ! :cry
DAMN THE TORPEDOES FULL SPEED AHEAD... .
what he really said was,
BRING ME MY BROWN PANTS! ! :cry
Longest password
in the world ...
It was found
that this blonde was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked
why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
in the world ...
It was found
that this blonde was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked
why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Subject: HOW THE FIGHT STARTED
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas
gift.
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes.'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby
table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"
And then the fight started...
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that
I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take
care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer--always something more
important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a
short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when
I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting
the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50
mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered
that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now
with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my
age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I
told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she
processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too."
And then the fight started...
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment."
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas
gift.
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes.'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby
table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"
And then the fight started...
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that
I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take
care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer--always something more
important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a
short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when
I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting
the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50
mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered
that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now
with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my
age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I
told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she
processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too."
And then the fight started...
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment."
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
OJ, guys, one more for good measure!
The Veterinarian
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week!
The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?"
The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The woman answered proudly, "In Nevada .. He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas , and one in Reno '
The Veterinarian
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week!
The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?"
The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The woman answered proudly, "In Nevada .. He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas , and one in Reno '
Captains Cat
New member
Meeeeeow! :cat :cat
It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.
As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it!
Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test.
Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.
Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not
The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast' give up now and do something else.
Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said 'bread,' go to Question 2.
2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Auto World.
However, if you said 'water,' proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these? If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.
4. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales .
In London , 17 people get on the bus.
In Reading , 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Swindon , 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea , 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
In Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 get on.
You then arrive at Milford Haven.
Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own age?
It was YOU driving the bus!
If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!
As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it!
Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test.
Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.
Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not
The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast' give up now and do something else.
Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said 'bread,' go to Question 2.
2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Auto World.
However, if you said 'water,' proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these? If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.
4. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales .
In London , 17 people get on the bus.
In Reading , 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Swindon , 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea , 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
In Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 get on.
You then arrive at Milford Haven.
Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own age?
It was YOU driving the bus!
If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!
Subject: OLD MAN ON A MOPED
The Moped
An elderly man on a Moped,
looking about 100 years old,
pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car
and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny ?"
The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO.
It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man.
"Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour !" states the doctor
proudly.
The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside ?"
"No problem," replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says,
"That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped
!"
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man
just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds
the speedometer reads 160 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror.
It seems to be getting closer !
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly
WHOOOOSSSHHH !
Something whips by him going much faster !
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?" the doctor
asks himself.
He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the
Ferrari up to 250 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari,
He gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph. He was feeling
pretty good until he looked in his mirror and saw the old man gaining on him
AGAIN !
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and
takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again!
The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari,
demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably
The old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says,
"I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you ?"
The old man whispers,
"Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror ."
The Moped
An elderly man on a Moped,
looking about 100 years old,
pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car
and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny ?"
The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO.
It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man.
"Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour !" states the doctor
proudly.
The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside ?"
"No problem," replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says,
"That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped
!"
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man
just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds
the speedometer reads 160 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror.
It seems to be getting closer !
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly
WHOOOOSSSHHH !
Something whips by him going much faster !
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?" the doctor
asks himself.
He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the
Ferrari up to 250 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari,
He gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph. He was feeling
pretty good until he looked in his mirror and saw the old man gaining on him
AGAIN !
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and
takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again!
The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari,
demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably
The old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says,
"I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you ?"
The old man whispers,
"Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror ."
THIS IS WHAT JEFF FOXWORTHY HAS TO SAY ABOUT 'LIVING IN WASHINGTON'!
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Washington.
If you've worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time, you live in Washington.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Washington.
If you measure distance in hours, you live in Washington.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Washington.
If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Washington.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Central, Southern or Eastern Washington.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you live in Washington.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and ice, you live in Washington.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Washington.
If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash, you live in Washington.
If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Washington.
If you know more people who own boats than air conditioners, you live in Washington.
If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal, you live in Washington.
If you consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain, you live in Washington.
If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Tullys, you live in Washington.
If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Washington.
If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup , Abiqua, Issaquah, Snoqualamie, Wenatchee, Spokane, Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Washington.
If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Washington.
If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food, you live in Washington.
If you never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho, you live in Washington.
If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Washington.
If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you live in Washington.
If you buy new sunglasses every year because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, you live in Washington .
If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your Washington friends, you live or have lived in Washington.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Washington.
If you've worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time, you live in Washington.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Washington.
If you measure distance in hours, you live in Washington.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Washington.
If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Washington.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Central, Southern or Eastern Washington.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you live in Washington.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and ice, you live in Washington.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Washington.
If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash, you live in Washington.
If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Washington.
If you know more people who own boats than air conditioners, you live in Washington.
If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal, you live in Washington.
If you consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain, you live in Washington.
If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Tullys, you live in Washington.
If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Washington.
If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup , Abiqua, Issaquah, Snoqualamie, Wenatchee, Spokane, Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Washington.
If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Washington.
If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food, you live in Washington.
If you never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho, you live in Washington.
If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Washington.
If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you live in Washington.
If you buy new sunglasses every year because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, you live in Washington .
If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your Washington friends, you live or have lived in Washington.
Bet you never had one like this as a kid.
http://www.ktuu.com/news/ktuu-radio-fly ... 4245.story
http://www.ktuu.com/news/ktuu-radio-fly ... 4245.story
This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make
sure you read to the end!!!!!!
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio.
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught
me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God
never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one
is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will
this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you
did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd
grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
=
sure you read to the end!!!!!!
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio.
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught
me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God
never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one
is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will
this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you
did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd
grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
=
Halloween is near, so pull the monitor up close and I'll tell you the true story of my encounter with the psycho truck driver from hell. Some years back, I was on the road from Klamath falls Oregon to Baker City for Christmas. It was a dark, rainy night (actually it was a clear, sunny day but that makes for a poor setting) as I made the turn at Riley Junction onto highway 20. I no sooner got rolling down the lonely road and lo and behold the psycho trucker from hell pulls right on my tailpipe. I looked at my speedometer and see that I'm doing 70mph in a 55 and think that this clown can tailgate me all he wants, I'm holding it at 70. As the miles rolled by, the psycho trucker from hell would drop back off my bumper and then come roaring back so close that I could identify the bug species plastered in his radiator, pull out to pass, and then drop back on my bumper again. Finally just outside of beautiful Burns Oregon...just at the edge of the Burns Metro area, the psycho trucker from hell passes me, me thinks good riddance.
As I got into town I spy the psycho trucker from hell pulling into a gas station, I drove on down the road a few blocks and pulled into one of the few stores in town for a resupply of road food. As I'm walking out of the store the psycho trucker from hell pulls in, I start going into the fight or flight mode...mainly fight, after 20 miles of dancing with this joker on the two lane my adrenaline starts pumping and my heart rate kickes up a few notches. As the psycho trucker from hell lays on the air, locking up his tires in the gravel parking lot next to my vehicle, I'm mentally preparing for what is about to come after the last 20 miles of this swine harrasing me on a lonely two lane highway in the middle of nowhere. As he psycho trucker from hell came boiling out of his truck and took off on a dead run ........to the porta-potties......... it all made sense to me at that point and I chuckled all the way to Baker
As I got into town I spy the psycho trucker from hell pulling into a gas station, I drove on down the road a few blocks and pulled into one of the few stores in town for a resupply of road food. As I'm walking out of the store the psycho trucker from hell pulls in, I start going into the fight or flight mode...mainly fight, after 20 miles of dancing with this joker on the two lane my adrenaline starts pumping and my heart rate kickes up a few notches. As the psycho trucker from hell lays on the air, locking up his tires in the gravel parking lot next to my vehicle, I'm mentally preparing for what is about to come after the last 20 miles of this swine harrasing me on a lonely two lane highway in the middle of nowhere. As he psycho trucker from hell came boiling out of his truck and took off on a dead run ........to the porta-potties......... it all made sense to me at that point and I chuckled all the way to Baker
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