Daily Laugh 2
- Thread starter Captains Cat
- Start date
Subject: Retirement Options
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
OR
You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
OR
You can retire to The Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everywhere is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder."
OR
FINALLY You can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
OR
You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
OR
You can retire to The Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everywhere is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder."
OR
FINALLY You can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
Answers by British students in the public examinations set for 15 year olds.
English
Define the word “monotony.”
Monotony is being married to the same person all your life.
Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
What does the word “benign” mean?
Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
What is the correct use of a semi-colon?
Only to be used as a last resort, a semi-colon is a partial removal of the intestines.
Technology
What is a turbine?
Something an Arab wears on his head.
Religious Instruction
Who did not welcome the return of the prodigal son?
The fatted calf.
What is a Hindu?
It lays eggs.
Name some famous pilgrimages.
Muslims used to go to Gamages but now it’s closed. Christians still go on pilgrimage to Lord’s.
Geography
Name the four seasons.
Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Name a greenhouse gas. What could be done to decrease global warming?
Cows make large amounts of methane when they fart. This could be reduced by fitting them with catalytic converters.
Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
How is dew formed?
The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
What is a planet?
A body of earth surrounded by sky.
What causes the tides in the oceans?
The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
What is a fossil?
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Biology
What happens to your body as you age?
When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
Premature death.
What is artificial insemination?
When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
How can you delay milk turning sour?
Keep it in the cow.
How are the main parts of the body categorised? (E.g. abdomen.) The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
Briefly describe the skeleton and its function in the body.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch the meat onto.
What is the Fibula?
A small lie.
Where are the Tibia?
They live in a country in North Africa.
What does “varicose” mean?
Nearby.
What is the most common form of birth control?
Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section.”
The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
What is the alimentary canal?
The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
What is a coma?
A coma is a punctual mark a bit like a period or full stop.
What is a seizure?
A Roman emperor.
What is a terminal illness?
When you are sick at the airport.
Name the types of teeth in an adult human. How many are there of each?
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cupids, two molars and eight cuspidors.
Sociology
What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
In a democratic society, how important are elections?
Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
What is a social node?
A friend you have known for a very long time.
Medical
What is the first thing you would do to someone who has been immobilised in a road accident?
Rape them tight in a blanket and give them a sweet cup of tea.
What is artificial respiration commonly known as?
The kiss of death.
What should you do with someone you have found unconscious in the water?
1. Lay them on their backs and give them artificial insemination.
2. Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
How can you help someone who has fainted?
1. Rub the person’s chest or, if it’s a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
2. Put its head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
What are steroids?
Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
What is a common treatment for a bad nosebleed?
1. Circumcision.
2. Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
How would you treat a head cold?
Use an agonised to spray the nose until it drops into your throat.
What should be done if someone has been bitten by a dog?
Put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
What has to be established before giving a blood transfusion?
If the blood is affirmative or negative.
How should you remove dust from the eye?
Pull the eye down over the nose.
What is an enema?
Someone who is not your friend.
Psychology
What is a morbid state?
A stage in a take-over, when a bigger offer is made.
Botany
What can be coloured red, pink, orange or flamingo?
The rectum.
Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
What is rhubarb?
A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Describe how flowers are most commonly fertilised.
1. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
2. Germination is the process of becoming a German.
3. Fertilisation is the fussing of the male with the female garments.
Chemistry
What is a supersaturated solution?
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
Physics
What is momentum?
What you give a body when they are going away.
What is a vacuum?
A large empty space where the pope lives.
What is a magnet?
Something you find crawling on a dead cat.
English
Define the word “monotony.”
Monotony is being married to the same person all your life.
Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
What does the word “benign” mean?
Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
What is the correct use of a semi-colon?
Only to be used as a last resort, a semi-colon is a partial removal of the intestines.
Technology
What is a turbine?
Something an Arab wears on his head.
Religious Instruction
Who did not welcome the return of the prodigal son?
The fatted calf.
What is a Hindu?
It lays eggs.
Name some famous pilgrimages.
Muslims used to go to Gamages but now it’s closed. Christians still go on pilgrimage to Lord’s.
Geography
Name the four seasons.
Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Name a greenhouse gas. What could be done to decrease global warming?
Cows make large amounts of methane when they fart. This could be reduced by fitting them with catalytic converters.
Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
How is dew formed?
The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
What is a planet?
A body of earth surrounded by sky.
What causes the tides in the oceans?
The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
What is a fossil?
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Biology
What happens to your body as you age?
When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
Premature death.
What is artificial insemination?
When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
How can you delay milk turning sour?
Keep it in the cow.
How are the main parts of the body categorised? (E.g. abdomen.) The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
Briefly describe the skeleton and its function in the body.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch the meat onto.
What is the Fibula?
A small lie.
Where are the Tibia?
They live in a country in North Africa.
What does “varicose” mean?
Nearby.
What is the most common form of birth control?
Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section.”
The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
What is the alimentary canal?
The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
What is a coma?
A coma is a punctual mark a bit like a period or full stop.
What is a seizure?
A Roman emperor.
What is a terminal illness?
When you are sick at the airport.
Name the types of teeth in an adult human. How many are there of each?
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cupids, two molars and eight cuspidors.
Sociology
What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
In a democratic society, how important are elections?
Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
What is a social node?
A friend you have known for a very long time.
Medical
What is the first thing you would do to someone who has been immobilised in a road accident?
Rape them tight in a blanket and give them a sweet cup of tea.
What is artificial respiration commonly known as?
The kiss of death.
What should you do with someone you have found unconscious in the water?
1. Lay them on their backs and give them artificial insemination.
2. Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
How can you help someone who has fainted?
1. Rub the person’s chest or, if it’s a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
2. Put its head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
What are steroids?
Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
What is a common treatment for a bad nosebleed?
1. Circumcision.
2. Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
How would you treat a head cold?
Use an agonised to spray the nose until it drops into your throat.
What should be done if someone has been bitten by a dog?
Put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
What has to be established before giving a blood transfusion?
If the blood is affirmative or negative.
How should you remove dust from the eye?
Pull the eye down over the nose.
What is an enema?
Someone who is not your friend.
Psychology
What is a morbid state?
A stage in a take-over, when a bigger offer is made.
Botany
What can be coloured red, pink, orange or flamingo?
The rectum.
Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
What is rhubarb?
A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Describe how flowers are most commonly fertilised.
1. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
2. Germination is the process of becoming a German.
3. Fertilisation is the fussing of the male with the female garments.
Chemistry
What is a supersaturated solution?
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
Physics
What is momentum?
What you give a body when they are going away.
What is a vacuum?
A large empty space where the pope lives.
What is a magnet?
Something you find crawling on a dead cat.
Pacificcoast101
Member
Four Cats With Impressive Abilities
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.
To show off, the engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.
But the chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.
Then the three men turned to the government employee and said, "What can your cat do?" The government worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff."
Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers' Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.
To show off, the engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.
But the chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.
Then the three men turned to the government employee and said, "What can your cat do?" The government worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff."
Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers' Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
Pacificcoast101
Member
A distraught woman brings her dead dog into a veterinarian's office. The Doctor takes one look at the dog and says it is dead and there is nothing he can do. The woman insists he try so he opens a side door in his office. A cat walks in and begins sniffing and pawing at the dog. The cat turns and walks back through the door.
The vet tells the woman he's sorry but the dog is most certainly dead. She thanks the vet and asks what she owes him. He tells her it will be $550. Dumbfounded, she asks why it is so much. He tells her it's $50 for the office visit and $500 for the cat scan.
The vet tells the woman he's sorry but the dog is most certainly dead. She thanks the vet and asks what she owes him. He tells her it will be $550. Dumbfounded, she asks why it is so much. He tells her it's $50 for the office visit and $500 for the cat scan.
Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.
For our sailors: Get a look at the way to not finish a race in the third example: Spinnaker problems!
For our sailors: Get a look at the way to not finish a race in the third example: Spinnaker problems!
True Philosophical Gems To Live By
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Unknown
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
- Franklin P. Jones
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
-Unknown
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret
"Cool breeze. Warm fire. Full moon. Easy chair. Your Best Friend. Empty plates. Soft words. Sweet songs. Tall tales. Short sips. Long life."
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Unknown
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
- Franklin P. Jones
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
-Unknown
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret
"Cool breeze. Warm fire. Full moon. Easy chair. Your Best Friend. Empty plates. Soft words. Sweet songs. Tall tales. Short sips. Long life."
The Human Race
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind
made.."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago
there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the
human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your
father told you about his."
Polish Sausage
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'prejudice' these days................
A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"
The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
• Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
• Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
• Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
• Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot.”
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind
made.."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago
there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the
human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your
father told you about his."
Polish Sausage
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'prejudice' these days................
A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"
The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
• Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
• Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
• Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
• Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot.”
The Bus
To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home. I started to cry when I thought of you. Then it dawned on me...oh, shit...I'll see you on the bus.
Joe :teeth :thup
To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home. I started to cry when I thought of you. Then it dawned on me...oh, shit...I'll see you on the bus.
Joe :teeth :thup
The U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides), as a combat vessel, carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (i.e. fresh water distillers). However, let it be noted that according to her ship's log, "On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men,
48,600 gallons of fresh water,
7,400 cannon shot,
11,600 pounds of black powder and
79,400 gallons of rum."
Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping."
Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum. Then she headed for the Azores , arriving there 12 November.. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine. On 18 November, she set sail for England .
In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war ships, and captured and scuttled 12 English merchant ships, salvaging only the rum aboard each.
By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted.
Nevertheless, although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland .. Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.
The U. S. S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February 1799,
with no cannon shot,
no food,
no powder,
no rum,
no wine,
no whisky,
and 38,600 gallons of water.
GO NAVY!
(I'm unable to vouch for the authenticity of the above facts, so will gladly defer to anyone else's research. With at least two Retired U. S. Navy Captains among the C-Brats, someone should be able to set us straight if there are inaccuracies aboard! Joe.)
48,600 gallons of fresh water,
7,400 cannon shot,
11,600 pounds of black powder and
79,400 gallons of rum."
Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping."
Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum. Then she headed for the Azores , arriving there 12 November.. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine. On 18 November, she set sail for England .
In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war ships, and captured and scuttled 12 English merchant ships, salvaging only the rum aboard each.
By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted.
Nevertheless, although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland .. Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.
The U. S. S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February 1799,
with no cannon shot,
no food,
no powder,
no rum,
no wine,
no whisky,
and 38,600 gallons of water.
GO NAVY!
(I'm unable to vouch for the authenticity of the above facts, so will gladly defer to anyone else's research. With at least two Retired U. S. Navy Captains among the C-Brats, someone should be able to set us straight if there are inaccuracies aboard! Joe.)
OK, I've been had! Thataway Bob informs me that the above is a myth that has been around for many years.
I tried to test it out by the standard procedure on Snopes but couldn't get a true/false match, so thought I'd post it and put it up for grabs, so to speak.
I was all ready to caculate the amount of food, booze, and cannon balls per person, but that won't be necessary now.
So at lease now we know!
A fair debunking is at:
http://msgboard.snopes.com/cgi-bin/ulti ... 000097;p=0
Thanks, Bob!
At least now we know the U.S. Navy isn't a bunch of drunken sailors! :lol:
Joe. :teeth :thup
I tried to test it out by the standard procedure on Snopes but couldn't get a true/false match, so thought I'd post it and put it up for grabs, so to speak.
I was all ready to caculate the amount of food, booze, and cannon balls per person, but that won't be necessary now.
So at lease now we know!
A fair debunking is at:
http://msgboard.snopes.com/cgi-bin/ulti ... 000097;p=0
Thanks, Bob!
At least now we know the U.S. Navy isn't a bunch of drunken sailors! :lol:
Joe. :teeth :thup
It Might Have Been a Bad Idea to Bring Him with Us
Moses, Jesus, and an old man were enjoying a friendly round of golf together.
Moses stepped up to the tee and hit the ball. It went sailing over the fairway and landed in the water trap. Moses then parted the water and chipped the ball onto the green.
Jesus stepped up to the tee and hit the ball. It went sailing over the fairway and landed in the water trap. Jesus just walked onto the water and chipped the ball onto the green.
joke
The old man stepped up to the tee and hit the ball. It went sailing over the fairway and headed for the water trap. But, just before it fell into the water, a fish jumped up and grabbed the ball in its mouth.
As the fish was falling back down into the water, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the fish in its claws. The eagle flew over the green where a lightning bolt shot from the sky and barely missed it.
joke
Startled, the eagle dropped the fish.
When the fish hit the ground, the ball popped out of its mouth and rolled into the hole for a hole-in-one.
Jesus then turned to the old man and said:
"Dad, if you don’t stop fooling around, we won’t bring you next time."
Moses, Jesus, and an old man were enjoying a friendly round of golf together.
Moses stepped up to the tee and hit the ball. It went sailing over the fairway and landed in the water trap. Moses then parted the water and chipped the ball onto the green.
Jesus stepped up to the tee and hit the ball. It went sailing over the fairway and landed in the water trap. Jesus just walked onto the water and chipped the ball onto the green.
joke
The old man stepped up to the tee and hit the ball. It went sailing over the fairway and headed for the water trap. But, just before it fell into the water, a fish jumped up and grabbed the ball in its mouth.
As the fish was falling back down into the water, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the fish in its claws. The eagle flew over the green where a lightning bolt shot from the sky and barely missed it.
joke
Startled, the eagle dropped the fish.
When the fish hit the ground, the ball popped out of its mouth and rolled into the hole for a hole-in-one.
Jesus then turned to the old man and said:
"Dad, if you don’t stop fooling around, we won’t bring you next time."