Critter Corner
- Thread starter Catman
- Start date
Les Lampman
New member
Catman":2vicwr27 said:
I thought that's what we did everywhere else on the Pub! :teeth Let's talk about you for instance... :wink
Les Lampman
New member
Dave,
If you're going to let Jessica sneek around you've got to make her sign in under her own name!!!!
If you're going to let Jessica sneek around you've got to make her sign in under her own name!!!!
Yep, that was Jessica alright. CM you are so astute (recognizing my style)....clearly Bill hasn't caught on to my style if he even remotely thinks that I'd "post" a rainbow. Mike, her homework is almost done, and Les I'm unable to persuade her to sign in on her own, which is fine with me or she'd want to be on all the sites that I frequent.
This has sure been one busy night on this site. When were not talking about "animal critters", Les and I are making additional plans on the "Super Sized Sea Shift" on "private mail".
This has sure been one busy night on this site. When were not talking about "animal critters", Les and I are making additional plans on the "Super Sized Sea Shift" on "private mail".
Les Lampman
New member
How to give a cat a pill
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close
mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
right arm (to avoid wound on left arm) and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat with best arm, holding rear
paws tightly with hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count to ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front
and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill,
put down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail and get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing
later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow through straw.
9. Check label to make sure is not harmful to humans. Drink one beer to
take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot and drink. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for last tetanus shot. Apply whisky
compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across
the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Get heavy-duty pruning gloves
from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet.
Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down
throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect the cat from hell, and call local pet
shop to see if they have any guinea pigs.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap the pill in bacon. Drop it on the floor!!!!!!!!!!
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close
mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
right arm (to avoid wound on left arm) and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat with best arm, holding rear
paws tightly with hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count to ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front
and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill,
put down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail and get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing
later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow through straw.
9. Check label to make sure is not harmful to humans. Drink one beer to
take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot and drink. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for last tetanus shot. Apply whisky
compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across
the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Get heavy-duty pruning gloves
from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet.
Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down
throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect the cat from hell, and call local pet
shop to see if they have any guinea pigs.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap the pill in bacon. Drop it on the floor!!!!!!!!!!
I think we've all done a fantastic job of staying "on subject" with this fine thread that Catman started.
Now in answer to Brock's original question of what 41% of owners will be doing with their animals (critters) in the next month, I have done the following today.
1) I fed Amos his grain and alfalfa this morning and even talked with him briefly. (Amos is our burro....also known as a jackass...so I guess you could say that I spoke with my 'er burro this morning).
2) I just came in from walking Honey (our cocker spaniel) out in the driving rain and then gave her a "reward cookie" for doing such a good job out there, while I stood around getting soaking wet. :crook
Glad I'm going back to work tomorrow!
Now in answer to Brock's original question of what 41% of owners will be doing with their animals (critters) in the next month, I have done the following today.
1) I fed Amos his grain and alfalfa this morning and even talked with him briefly. (Amos is our burro....also known as a jackass...so I guess you could say that I spoke with my 'er burro this morning).
2) I just came in from walking Honey (our cocker spaniel) out in the driving rain and then gave her a "reward cookie" for doing such a good job out there, while I stood around getting soaking wet. :crook
Glad I'm going back to work tomorrow!
Les Lampman
New member
Larry!
The stitches around here are going to be from putting my sides back together; I came very close to permanent damage while reading your story!
* One Bassett Hound
* Two Austalian Cattle Dogs (Blue Healers)
* Two Cats
* No Sense
The stitches around here are going to be from putting my sides back together; I came very close to permanent damage while reading your story!
* One Bassett Hound
* Two Austalian Cattle Dogs (Blue Healers)
* Two Cats
* No Sense