COLD WEATHER IN THE USA
60 ABOVE ZERO
Floridians turn the heat on. People in the Midwest plant gardens.
50 ABOVE ZERO
Californians shiver uncontrollably. Midwesterners sunbathe.
40 ABOVE ZERO
Italian and English cars won't start. People in the Midwest drive with the windows down.
32 ABOVE ZERO
Distilled water freezes. Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.
20 ABOVE ZERO
Texans don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and hats. Michiganders throw on a flannel shirt.
15 ABOVE ZERO
New York landlords finally turn on the heat. People in the Midwest have the last cookout before it turns cold.
ZERO
People in Miami die or return to Cuba. Midwesterners close the windows.
10 BELOW ZERO
Californians go to Mexico. People in Wisconsin get out their Winter coats.
25 BELOW ZERO
Hollywood disintegrates. Girl Scouts in the Midwest sell cookies door to door.
40 BELOW ZERO
Washington, DC runs out of hot air. People in the Midwest let their dogs sleep inside.
100 BELOW ZERO
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. New Englanders get frustrated because "the cash won't staaht, betta staaht a faah."
275 BELOW ZERO
All atomic motion stops (Absolute zero on the Kelvin scale). People in the Midwest finally stop saying "cold 'nuff for ya?"
500 BELOW ZERO
Hell freezes over. No one in Michigan is surprised because it explains why the Detroit Lions won the Super Bowl.
Aye.
60 ABOVE ZERO
Floridians turn the heat on. People in the Midwest plant gardens.
50 ABOVE ZERO
Californians shiver uncontrollably. Midwesterners sunbathe.
40 ABOVE ZERO
Italian and English cars won't start. People in the Midwest drive with the windows down.
32 ABOVE ZERO
Distilled water freezes. Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.
20 ABOVE ZERO
Texans don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and hats. Michiganders throw on a flannel shirt.
15 ABOVE ZERO
New York landlords finally turn on the heat. People in the Midwest have the last cookout before it turns cold.
ZERO
People in Miami die or return to Cuba. Midwesterners close the windows.
10 BELOW ZERO
Californians go to Mexico. People in Wisconsin get out their Winter coats.
25 BELOW ZERO
Hollywood disintegrates. Girl Scouts in the Midwest sell cookies door to door.
40 BELOW ZERO
Washington, DC runs out of hot air. People in the Midwest let their dogs sleep inside.
100 BELOW ZERO
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. New Englanders get frustrated because "the cash won't staaht, betta staaht a faah."
275 BELOW ZERO
All atomic motion stops (Absolute zero on the Kelvin scale). People in the Midwest finally stop saying "cold 'nuff for ya?"
500 BELOW ZERO
Hell freezes over. No one in Michigan is surprised because it explains why the Detroit Lions won the Super Bowl.
Aye.
retirement can't come soon enough.