Jamohl -
Thanks for touching bases with the C-Brats -- it's very nice to 'close the loop' and hear back from you.
For those of us who have been there, I can provide a little information as to how we worked through this challenging experience. First, as painful as it is, we all realize that death is a part of living -- that certainly doesn't make it any easier, but it helps put it in perspective a little.
As most of us would do, you waited a 'little while' to read the e-mails, hoping you would be able to 'handle it better'. And as all of us now realize, there was no way you, or anyone, was going to handle this 'any better' than you did. The way you 'handle it' is the way that is right for you, as the process unfolds.
It is most important to give yourself lots of space to feel whatever you're feeling, whenever you feel it. And these feelings will just appear out of nowhere when you least expect them . . . When my father-in-law died several years ago, we were leaving Seattle to drive home to Portland, and stopped in at Starbucks to get coffee to take with us. The very nice barista asked Janet "How is your day going so far?", and she just burst out crying -- not what the barista was expecting! She explained the reason, and he was very sympathetic -- in fact, I believe he gave her the coffee as a gift! The point is, this happens to almost everyone -- at the grocery store -- at work -- sitting in a familiar restaurant -- driving home from work -- even after several months when you think you're getting past it a little.
Also, this is commonly known, but there is something about 'one full year' -- every holiday, anniversary, birthday, Mother's Day, special personal days and milestones -- every one of them will bring these feelings (and new ones) to the surface. It is helpful to recognize the good side of these difficult times -- the reason they are difficult is that they were, and are, and always will be. special times, and you miss them dearly.
I'm not trying to set myself up as the world's expert on any of this, but these feelings still come to the surface when I think of my dad (R.I.P. 1985) and Janet's dad (R.I.P. 2004).
I only knew Katie briefly, but it's amazing how far one person can influence others, isn't it? -- And in most cases without even realizing it. Katie was a prime example.
Make space. Breathe! Go for walks. Turn off the tv (and/or notice that you haven't been paying attention for the past 45 minutes . . . )
Take care, and God Bless
Ed
