> 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in
> love and got married.
> The ceremony wasn't much, but the
> reception was
> excellent.
>
> 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar.
> The
> bartender says,
> "I'll serve you, but
> don't start anything."
>
> 3. Two peanuts walk into
> a bar, and one was a
> salted.
>
> 4. A dyslexic man walks into a
> bra.
>
> 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of
> asphalt
> under his arm, and says "A beer please,
> and one for the road."
>
> 6. Two cannibals are
> eating a clown. One says to
> the other: "Does this
> taste funny to you?"
>
> 7. "Doc, I can't stop
> singing 'The
> Green, Green Grass of Home."
> "That
> sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is
> it
> common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
>
> 8. Two
> cows are standing next to each other
> in a field. Daisy
> says to Dolly, "I was
> artificially Inseminated this
> morning."
> "I don't believe you," says Dolly.
> "It's
> true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
>
> 9. An invisible man
> marries an invisible
> woman. The kids were nothing to
> look at either.
>
> 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that
> you've heard this bull before.
>
> 11. I went to buy
> some camouflage trousers the
> other day, but I couldn't
> find any.
>
> 12. A man woke up in a hospital after
> a
> serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I
> can't feel my legs!" The
> doctor replied, "I know you
> can't -- I've cut off
> your arms!"
>
> 13. I went
> to a seafood disco last week and
> pulled a
> mussel.
>
> 14... What do you call a fish
> with no eyes? A fsh.
>
>
> 15. Two fish swim into a
> concrete wall. The
> one
> turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
>
> 16. Two
> Eskimos sitting in a kayak were
> chilly, so they lit a
> fire in the craft.
> Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
> again that
> you can't have your kayak and heat it
> too.
>
> 17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into
> a
> hotel, and were standing in the lobby
> discussing
> their recent tournament victories. After
> about an hour,
> the manager came out of the office, and
> asked them to
> disperse. "But why," they asked,
> as
> they moved off. "Because,"
> he said,
> "I can't stand
> chess-nuts boasting in an
> open foyer."
>
> 18. A
> woman has twins, and gives them up
> for adoption. One of
> them goes to a family in Egypt ,
> and is named "Ahmal."
> The other goes to
> a family in Spain ; they name
> him
> "Juan.." Years later, Juan
> sends a picture of himself
> to his birth mother. Upon receiving
> the picture, she tells
> her husband that
> she wishes she also had a picture of
> Ahmal. Her
> husband responds, "They're twins! If you've
> seen Juan, you've seen
> Ahmal."
>
> 19. Mahatma Gandhi,
> as you know, walked
> barefoot most of the time, which
> produced an
> impressive set of calluses on his feet. He
> also
> ate very little, which made him rather frail
> and
> with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
> This
> made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
> good)
> . . . A super-calloused fragile
> mystic hexed by
> halitosis.
>
> 20. And finally, there was the person
> who sent
> twenty different puns to his friends, with
> the
> hope that at least ten of the puns would make
> them
> laugh. No pun in ten did.
> love and got married.
> The ceremony wasn't much, but the
> reception was
> excellent.
>
> 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar.
> The
> bartender says,
> "I'll serve you, but
> don't start anything."
>
> 3. Two peanuts walk into
> a bar, and one was a
> salted.
>
> 4. A dyslexic man walks into a
> bra.
>
> 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of
> asphalt
> under his arm, and says "A beer please,
> and one for the road."
>
> 6. Two cannibals are
> eating a clown. One says to
> the other: "Does this
> taste funny to you?"
>
> 7. "Doc, I can't stop
> singing 'The
> Green, Green Grass of Home."
> "That
> sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is
> it
> common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
>
> 8. Two
> cows are standing next to each other
> in a field. Daisy
> says to Dolly, "I was
> artificially Inseminated this
> morning."
> "I don't believe you," says Dolly.
> "It's
> true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
>
> 9. An invisible man
> marries an invisible
> woman. The kids were nothing to
> look at either.
>
> 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that
> you've heard this bull before.
>
> 11. I went to buy
> some camouflage trousers the
> other day, but I couldn't
> find any.
>
> 12. A man woke up in a hospital after
> a
> serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I
> can't feel my legs!" The
> doctor replied, "I know you
> can't -- I've cut off
> your arms!"
>
> 13. I went
> to a seafood disco last week and
> pulled a
> mussel.
>
> 14... What do you call a fish
> with no eyes? A fsh.
>
>
> 15. Two fish swim into a
> concrete wall. The
> one
> turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
>
> 16. Two
> Eskimos sitting in a kayak were
> chilly, so they lit a
> fire in the craft.
> Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
> again that
> you can't have your kayak and heat it
> too.
>
> 17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into
> a
> hotel, and were standing in the lobby
> discussing
> their recent tournament victories. After
> about an hour,
> the manager came out of the office, and
> asked them to
> disperse. "But why," they asked,
> as
> they moved off. "Because,"
> he said,
> "I can't stand
> chess-nuts boasting in an
> open foyer."
>
> 18. A
> woman has twins, and gives them up
> for adoption. One of
> them goes to a family in Egypt ,
> and is named "Ahmal."
> The other goes to
> a family in Spain ; they name
> him
> "Juan.." Years later, Juan
> sends a picture of himself
> to his birth mother. Upon receiving
> the picture, she tells
> her husband that
> she wishes she also had a picture of
> Ahmal. Her
> husband responds, "They're twins! If you've
> seen Juan, you've seen
> Ahmal."
>
> 19. Mahatma Gandhi,
> as you know, walked
> barefoot most of the time, which
> produced an
> impressive set of calluses on his feet. He
> also
> ate very little, which made him rather frail
> and
> with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
> This
> made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
> good)
> . . . A super-calloused fragile
> mystic hexed by
> halitosis.
>
> 20. And finally, there was the person
> who sent
> twenty different puns to his friends, with
> the
> hope that at least ten of the puns would make
> them
> laugh. No pun in ten did.
, a Rastafarian proctologist.