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Watch Out For this New Scam on men!!


Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall, parking lots, etc. But this is the first warning I have seen for men, and I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A heads up for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. Last month I became a victim of a clever scam while shopping. Simply going to get supplies turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:


Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come up to your vehicle as you are putting away your purchases.
They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.
It's impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they climb in the vehicle.
On the way, they start undressing.
Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th.
Also July 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 27th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each.
But, I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.
Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's so I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam.
The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.
Stay Safe Out There !!
 
Pacificcoast101":shzvm7dj said:
Watch Out For this New Scam on men!!


Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall, parking lots, etc. But this is the first warning I have seen for men, and I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A heads up for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. Last month I became a victim of a clever scam while shopping. Simply going to get supplies turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:


Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come up to your vehicle as you are putting away your purchases.
They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.
It's impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they climb in the vehicle.
On the way, they start undressing.
Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th.
Also July 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 27th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each.
But, I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.
Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's so I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam.
The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.
Stay Safe Out There !!
Click to expand...

Now thats funny....
 
BURGLARY IN FLORIDA

When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch.
What they did take, however, was a white box filled with a
grayish-white powder. (That's the way the police report described it.)
A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said that it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time.
Later, Nathan stood in front of numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: 'Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago.'
The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep.
The white box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained.
Scotch taped to the box was this note which said: "Hoochie sold us the bogus blow so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day."
And you thought California was the land of fruits.
 
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined. Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which was worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut
 
"Woman stops gator attack with a small Beretta pistol."

This is a story of self control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.

Here is her story:

While out walking along the edge of a bayou just below Houma, Louisiana with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator suddenly emerging from the murky water and charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus ... the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was more than worth the purchase price of the gun.
 
TEEN DRIVING DILEMMA

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his
father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son,

"You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a
little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the
offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said,

"Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have
been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."

The boy said,

"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my
studies of the Bible that:

Samson had long hair,

John the Baptist had long hair,

Moses had long hair,

and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."



The Dad's reply:


"Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
 
Apologies if you have seen these:-

Subject: Washington Post Annual Mensa Invitational Results
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon ( n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit ( n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug ( n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:
1. Coffee, ( n. ) : The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, : (adj.) : Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, ( v.) : To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, ( v.) : To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, ( adj.) : Impotent.
6. Negligent, ( adj.) : Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightie, gown.
7. Lymph, ( v.) : To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, ( n.) : Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, ( n.) : Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, ( n.) : A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, ( n.) : A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, ( n.) : The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, ( n.) : A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, ( n.) : A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, ( n.) : The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, ( n.) : An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
 
This ones and old one with a new twist.....

Food for thought here.....

The Stranger
A few years after I was
born, my Dad met a stranger
who was new to our
small town. From the beginning,
Dad was fascinated with this
enchanting newcomer
and soon invited him to
live with our family. The
stranger was quickly
accepted and was around
from then on.


As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my
family. In my young
mind, he had a special niche.
My parents were
complementary instructors: Mom
taught me good from
evil, and Dad taught me to obey.
But the stranger... he
was our storyteller. He would
keep us spellbound for hours on end with
adventures,
mysteries and
comedies.


If I wanted to know
anything about politics, history
or science, he always
knew the answers about the past,
understood the present
and even seemed able to predict
the future! He took my
family to the first major league
ball game. He made me
laugh, and he made me cry. The
stranger never stopped
talking, but Dad didn't seem
to mind.

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of
us were shushing each other to listen to what he
had to
say, and she would go
to the kitchen for peace and quiet.
(I wonder now if she
ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our
household with certain moral convictions,
but the stranger never
felt obligated to honour them.

Profanity, for example, was not allowed
in our home - not
from us, our friends or
any visitors. Our long time visitor,
however, got away with
four-letter words that burned my
ears and made my dad
squirm and my mother blush.

My Dad didn't permit
the liberal use of alcohol but the
stranger encouraged us
to try it on a regular basis. He made
cigarettes look cool,
cigars manly, and pipes distinguished.

He talked freely (much
too freely!) about sex. His comments
were sometimes blatant,
sometimes suggestive, and generally
embarrassing.. I
now know that my early concepts about relationships were
influenced strongly by the
stranger. Time after time, he
opposed the values of
my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked
... And NEVER asked to
leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the
stranger moved
in with our family. He
has blended right in and is not nearly
as fascinating as he
was at first. Still, if you could walk
into
my parents' den today,
you would still find him sitting over
in his corner, waiting
for someone to listen to him talk and
watch him draw his
pictures.


His
name?....
We just call him

'TV.'


He has a wife now....we call her 'Computer.'

Their first child is "Cell Phone".

Second child is "I Pod "

And now a Grandchild: IPAD

(And I was hoping in the top of the story that the stranger was going to turn out to be Jesus Christ, until I red further on!) BTY: Who pulled the limits off the language protocol this past year or so?
 
Did you know????

The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air
Conditioner.

Here's a little factoid for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends..

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office.

They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti - Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.

I can hear your groans from here. Control yourself!!!
 
You left out an important and interesting part. The Goldberg brothers had twin sisters named Floor and Defrost.
 
ARE YOU A PILOT? I THOUGHT I WAS.

You think you have lived to be 80 plus and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked,
Are you a real pilot?

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... Flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked:
"Are you a real pilot?"
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
 
A 34 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked 'Is my time up?'

God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?'

(You'll love this)

- God replied: 'I didn't recognize you.'
 
Write it Down!

After checking an elderly couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things, as their memory is getting worse. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

A few days later, while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "To the kitchen."

She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replies, "Sure."

She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He says, "No, I can remember that."

She then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."

He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.

"You see?!?" his wife yells at him in rage, "You forgot the onions!"
 
Frank Feldman, Perfect Man!

A man walks out to the street and stops a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he was a cabbie who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, he was always in the right place at the right time. Things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. And you should have heard him play the piano! He was an amazing guy, perfect in every way."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat them with. And he could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right, he never made a mistake, he was perfect!!"

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never
made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.

He was the best lover in bed, and could take his wife to the top of the mountain. He would never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong. His clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "This Frank Feldman was an amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well... I never actually met Frank. He died, and I have the pleasure of being married to his widow."
 
The Selection...

While walking down the street one day, a high ranking politician is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." says the politician .

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the politician.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts the politician to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress.



They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.



They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator
rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the politician head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."

He reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers: "Well, I would never have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to the politician and lays an arm on his neck.

"I don't understand," stammers the politician. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"
 
No Speak English!!!

A beautiful German woman married an American gentleman born in Virginia and they lived happily ever after in his home town.

The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher counter and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her cleavege. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...


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What were you Thinking???

Her husband speaks English!!
 
IN 2013 EUROPE - Military update


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels...

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,
John Cleese,
British writer, actor and tall person

And as a final thought -- Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

Life is too short...
 
Reminds me of an old Kingston Trio tune, which includes, "They're rioting in Africa ..." and goes on to detail all kinds of global strife, humorously.
 
NOW THEY ARE USING LAWYERS INSTEAD OF LAB RATS TO DO EXPERIMENTS. THREE REASONS:

1. There are more of them.
2. You can get a lawyer to do things that a rat won't do.
3. The lab technicians don't get emotionally attached.
 
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