Wandering Sagebrush
Free Range Human
Byrdman":mglv2vcz said:
Patrick, this old Marine says tears are in order.
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Patrick, this old Marine says tears are in order.
starcrafttom
Active member
byrdman, Simper Fi.
Wandering Sagebrush
Free Range Human
starcrafttom":a1las5cr said:
??????????????????????????????? Simper ????????????????????????
DaveS":3ahtdcb4 said:starcrafttom":3ahtdcb4 said:
Tom, did you mean "wimper"?
Being a Paratrooper, I just had to JUMP on this one.
(Airborne, All The Way!)
This ole Paratrooper will make that JUMP with you Dave :lol:, but
don't think I'll let my WW11 Marine Dad in on the joke.
And a big :thup with Airborne, All the Way!!
Jay
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?", she asked.
"Hunting Flies", he responded.
"Oh, have you killed any?", she asked.
"Yep, 3 males and 2 females", he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone".
"What are you doing?", she asked.
"Hunting Flies", he responded.
"Oh, have you killed any?", she asked.
"Yep, 3 males and 2 females", he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone".
Too much SPAM? Don't cry, just make Spam Fajitas!
SPAM FAJITAS
Recipe By :
Serving Size : 8 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories : Main dish
Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method
-------- ------------ --------------------------------
Vegetable cooking spray
1 Green bell pepper, cut into
-julienne strips
1/2 Onion, cut into 1/4″ slices
1 cn SPAM Luncheon Meat, cut into
-julienne strips (12 oz)
3/4 c CHI-CHI's Salsa
8 Flour tortillas, warmed (8")
2 c Shredded lettuce
1/2 c Shredded hot pepper Monterey
-Jack or Cheddar cheese
1/2 c Nonfat plain yogurt
Extra salsa, if desired
Spray large non-stick skillet with vegetable cooking spray. Heat
skillet over medium-high heat. Saute green pepper and onion 2
minutes. Add SPAM. Saute 2 minutes. Stir in salsa and heat
thoroughly. Spoon about 1/2 cup SPAM mixture into each flour
tortilla. Top each with 1/2 cup shredded lettuce, 1 tablespoon
shredded cheese, 1 tablespoon yogurt, and extra salsa, if desired.
SPAM FAJITAS
Recipe By :
Serving Size : 8 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories : Main dish
Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method
-------- ------------ --------------------------------
Vegetable cooking spray
1 Green bell pepper, cut into
-julienne strips
1/2 Onion, cut into 1/4″ slices
1 cn SPAM Luncheon Meat, cut into
-julienne strips (12 oz)
3/4 c CHI-CHI's Salsa
8 Flour tortillas, warmed (8")
2 c Shredded lettuce
1/2 c Shredded hot pepper Monterey
-Jack or Cheddar cheese
1/2 c Nonfat plain yogurt
Extra salsa, if desired
Spray large non-stick skillet with vegetable cooking spray. Heat
skillet over medium-high heat. Saute green pepper and onion 2
minutes. Add SPAM. Saute 2 minutes. Stir in salsa and heat
thoroughly. Spoon about 1/2 cup SPAM mixture into each flour
tortilla. Top each with 1/2 cup shredded lettuce, 1 tablespoon
shredded cheese, 1 tablespoon yogurt, and extra salsa, if desired.
Wandering Sagebrush
Free Range Human
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.
-----------------------------
Oh wait! This is not a joke.
"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.
-----------------------------
Oh wait! This is not a joke.
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He
went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you
can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around
and listen to the conversations.. I've changed my will three times!'
_____
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old
now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do
you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
_____
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a
new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of
that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red
and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen
and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last
night?'
_____
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman
already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who
insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about
rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out
of her hospital gown.'
_____
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During
a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they
might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it
down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice
cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man
returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She
stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'
_____
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
_____
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
_____
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me
four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
' Twelve thirty..'
_____
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to
Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be
careful.'
_____
And One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered
a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you
can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around
and listen to the conversations.. I've changed my will three times!'
_____
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old
now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do
you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
_____
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a
new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of
that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red
and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen
and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last
night?'
_____
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman
already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who
insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about
rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out
of her hospital gown.'
_____
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During
a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they
might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it
down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice
cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man
returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She
stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'
_____
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
_____
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
_____
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me
four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
' Twelve thirty..'
_____
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to
Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be
careful.'
_____
And One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered
a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
Then there was the dyslexic paranoid...He thought he was following someone.
In my defense, my wife told me the following two.
Why is it guys have more flatulance than women?
Because women never keep their mouth shut long enough to build up pressure.
Why does it take three women with PMS to change a light bulb?
IT JUST DOES!
In my defense, my wife told me the following two.
Why is it guys have more flatulance than women?
Because women never keep their mouth shut long enough to build up pressure.
Why does it take three women with PMS to change a light bulb?
IT JUST DOES!
El and Bill
New member
For the upcoming St. Patty's Day:
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife.. Who will it be?' They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. 'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.'
Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs.Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.' 'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife..
'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife.. Who will it be?' They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. 'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.'
Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs.Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.' 'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife..
'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.
One day the zookeeper noticed that the chimpanzee was reading two books-- the Bible and Darwin's The Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the chimp, "Why are you reading both of those books?" "Well," said the chimp, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
Pacificcoast101
Member
A woman takes her dog to the vet. The vet looks at the dog and tells the woman that it is dead. She says,"He was fine this morning. Isn't there any test you can do?" The vet opens a side door. In walks a cat, who paws the dog a few times, then turns back through the door. "I'm sorry, Miss. Your dog is definitely dead."
"All right" she replied. "What do I owe you?"
"$350"
"$350???. For what?!!!
"$50 for the office visit, and $300 for the cat scan."
"All right" she replied. "What do I owe you?"
"$350"
"$350???. For what?!!!
"$50 for the office visit, and $300 for the cat scan."
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