> >Garage Door
> >
> >The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing
> his zipper was down
> >and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to
> him and said, 'This
> >morning when you left your house, did you close your
> garage door?' The boss
> >told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and
> walked into his office
> >puzzled by the question.
> >
> >As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his
> fly was open, and
> >zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's
> question about his 'garage
> >door.'
> >
> >He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her
> desk to ask, 'When my
> >garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in
> there?'
> >
> >She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an
> old mini van with two
> >flat tires...
> >
> >
> >
> >An elderly gentleman....
> >Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He
> went to the doctor
> >and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
> hearing aids that
> >allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
> >
> >
> >The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the
> doctor and the doctor
> >said, 'Your hearing is perfect... Your family must be
> really pleased that
> >you can hear again.'
> >
> >
> >The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family
> yet.
> >
> >
> >I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've
> changed my will
> >three times!'
> >
> >
> >
> >Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
> sitting on a bench under
> >a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm
> 83 years old now and
> >I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about
> my age. How do you
> >feel?'
> >
> >
> >Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
> >
> >
> >'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
> >
> >
> >'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my
> pants.'
> >
> >
> >
> >An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house,
> and after eating,
> >the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
> >
> >
> >The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last
> night we went out to a
> >new restaurant and it was really great.. I would
> recommend it very highly.'
> >
> >
> >The other man said, 'What is the name of the
> restaurant?'
> >
> >
> >The first man thought and thought and finally said,
> 'What is the name of
> >that flower you give to someone you love? You know....
> The one that's red
> >and has thorns.'
> >
> >
> >'Do you mean a rose?'
> >
> >
> >'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned
> towards the kitchen
> >and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant
> we went to last
> >night?'
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients
> being discharged.
> >However, while working as a student nurse, I found one
> elderly gentleman
> >already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase
> at his feet, who
> >insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
>
> >
> >
> >After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly
> let me wheel him to the
> >elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was
> meeting him.
> >
> >
> >'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the
> bathroom changing out
> >of her hospital gown.'
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Couple in their nineties are both having problems
> remembering things. During
> >a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're
> physically okay, but they
> >might want to start writing things down to help them
> remember ...
> >
> >
> >Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets
> up from his chair.
> >'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
> >
> >
> >'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
> >
> >
> >
> >'Sure..'
> >
> >
> >'Don't you think you should write it down so you can
> remember it?' she asks.
> >
> >
> >
> >'No, I can remember it.'
> >
> >
> >'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe
> you should write it
> >down, so as not to forget it?'
> >
> >
> >He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice
> cream with
> >strawberries.'
> >
> >
> >'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget
> that, write it
> >down?' she asks.
> >
> >
> >Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I
> can remember it! Ice
> >cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it,
> for goodness sake!'
> >
> >
> >Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20
> minutes, The old man
> >returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of
> bacon and eggs.. She
> >stares at the plate for a moment.
> >
> >
> >'Where's my toast?
> >
> >
> >
> >A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
> >
> >
> >'So I hear you're getting married?'
> >
> >
> >'Yep!'
> >
> >
> >'Do I know her?'
> >
> >
> >'Nope!'
> >
> >
> >'This woman, is she good looking?'
> >
> >
> >'Not really.'
> >
> >
> >'Is she a good cook?'
> >
> >
> >'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
> >
> >
> >'Does she have lots of money?'
> >'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
> >
> >
> >'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
> >
> >
> >'I don't know.'
> >
> >
> >'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
> >
> >
> >'Because she can still drive!'
> >
> >
> >
> >Three old guys are out walking.
> >First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
> >Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
> >Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
> >
> >
> >
> >A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new
> hearing aid. It cost me
> >four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's
> perfect.'
> >
> >
> >'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
> >
> >
> >'Twelve thirty..'
> >
> >
> >
> >Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a
> physical.
> >
> >
> >A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down
> the street with a
> >gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> >
> >
> >A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and
> said, 'You're really
> >doing great, aren't you? '
> >
> >
> >Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a
> hot mamma and be
> >cheerful.''
> >
> >
> >The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've
> got a heart murmur; be
> >careful.'
> >
> >
> >
> >A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream
> parlor and pulled himself
> >slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his
> breath, he ordered a
> >banana split.
> >
> >
> >The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
> >
> >
> >'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis
> >
> >The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing
> his zipper was down
> >and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to
> him and said, 'This
> >morning when you left your house, did you close your
> garage door?' The boss
> >told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and
> walked into his office
> >puzzled by the question.
> >
> >As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his
> fly was open, and
> >zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's
> question about his 'garage
> >door.'
> >
> >He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her
> desk to ask, 'When my
> >garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in
> there?'
> >
> >She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an
> old mini van with two
> >flat tires...
> >
> >
> >
> >An elderly gentleman....
> >Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He
> went to the doctor
> >and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
> hearing aids that
> >allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
> >
> >
> >The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the
> doctor and the doctor
> >said, 'Your hearing is perfect... Your family must be
> really pleased that
> >you can hear again.'
> >
> >
> >The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family
> yet.
> >
> >
> >I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've
> changed my will
> >three times!'
> >
> >
> >
> >Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
> sitting on a bench under
> >a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm
> 83 years old now and
> >I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about
> my age. How do you
> >feel?'
> >
> >
> >Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
> >
> >
> >'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
> >
> >
> >'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my
> pants.'
> >
> >
> >
> >An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house,
> and after eating,
> >the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
> >
> >
> >The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last
> night we went out to a
> >new restaurant and it was really great.. I would
> recommend it very highly.'
> >
> >
> >The other man said, 'What is the name of the
> restaurant?'
> >
> >
> >The first man thought and thought and finally said,
> 'What is the name of
> >that flower you give to someone you love? You know....
> The one that's red
> >and has thorns.'
> >
> >
> >'Do you mean a rose?'
> >
> >
> >'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned
> towards the kitchen
> >and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant
> we went to last
> >night?'
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients
> being discharged.
> >However, while working as a student nurse, I found one
> elderly gentleman
> >already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase
> at his feet, who
> >insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
>
> >
> >
> >After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly
> let me wheel him to the
> >elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was
> meeting him.
> >
> >
> >'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the
> bathroom changing out
> >of her hospital gown.'
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >Couple in their nineties are both having problems
> remembering things. During
> >a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're
> physically okay, but they
> >might want to start writing things down to help them
> remember ...
> >
> >
> >Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets
> up from his chair.
> >'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
> >
> >
> >'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
> >
> >
> >
> >'Sure..'
> >
> >
> >'Don't you think you should write it down so you can
> remember it?' she asks.
> >
> >
> >
> >'No, I can remember it.'
> >
> >
> >'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe
> you should write it
> >down, so as not to forget it?'
> >
> >
> >He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice
> cream with
> >strawberries.'
> >
> >
> >'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget
> that, write it
> >down?' she asks.
> >
> >
> >Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I
> can remember it! Ice
> >cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it,
> for goodness sake!'
> >
> >
> >Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20
> minutes, The old man
> >returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of
> bacon and eggs.. She
> >stares at the plate for a moment.
> >
> >
> >'Where's my toast?
> >
> >
> >
> >A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
> >
> >
> >'So I hear you're getting married?'
> >
> >
> >'Yep!'
> >
> >
> >'Do I know her?'
> >
> >
> >'Nope!'
> >
> >
> >'This woman, is she good looking?'
> >
> >
> >'Not really.'
> >
> >
> >'Is she a good cook?'
> >
> >
> >'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
> >
> >
> >'Does she have lots of money?'
> >'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
> >
> >
> >'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
> >
> >
> >'I don't know.'
> >
> >
> >'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
> >
> >
> >'Because she can still drive!'
> >
> >
> >
> >Three old guys are out walking.
> >First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
> >Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
> >Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
> >
> >
> >
> >A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new
> hearing aid. It cost me
> >four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's
> perfect.'
> >
> >
> >'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
> >
> >
> >'Twelve thirty..'
> >
> >
> >
> >Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a
> physical.
> >
> >
> >A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down
> the street with a
> >gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> >
> >
> >A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and
> said, 'You're really
> >doing great, aren't you? '
> >
> >
> >Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a
> hot mamma and be
> >cheerful.''
> >
> >
> >The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've
> got a heart murmur; be
> >careful.'
> >
> >
> >
> >A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream
> parlor and pulled himself
> >slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his
> breath, he ordered a
> >banana split.
> >
> >
> >The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
> >
> >
> >'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis