Getting the spouse onboard for a cruise...

[jbdba01]

Reading some of the Great Loop trips and having done a partial trip I'm convinced I want to give it a college try.

That said so far it's been pretty clear that the spouse is not interested. She's not much into boating, but loves the beaches, traveling, sunsets, relaxing...all the fun things around boating.

Myself...if I could quit work and live on a boat I would. Heck if I could grow gills and live in the water I would. I've done parts of the loop - Jax to Vero; Big Pine Key to Naples Fl. Some of the best experiences of my life.

Honestly I'm not wanting to force her into anything, but I am looking for ways to ease into it. She's not a city slicker but she's not a hard core FL Cracker either. She likes wine and the comforts of home, but has been known to go camping in FL in 90 degree heat. So she can be a Cracker when she wants to be.

My current boat (2670 Glacier Bay) does not have A/C, but like a TC it can be worked out. The queen size berth is plenty ample and the head is a plus for women. The helm/cockpit is not fully enclosed. So I have a hard time seeing going for 2 weeks at a time - but it should be doable for a week or less to start.

That said I figured I would start small and cruise from Tampa to Bradenton, Bradenton to Sarasota. She's a bit freaked out about being on the hook - so I promised Marinas to start.

So...all that said any additional thoughts/hints on getting her on board. I get that I can't force it, but it would be great if she would go for a week or more. She gets that I'm going to do the Great Loop, Bahamas, Fort Jefferson - with or without her (perhaps in segments), but I'm going to give it a college try.

I get the excutive summary of the above is "Did anyone's significant other go from 'No Way.' to 'That was fun'?"

[Rick from Maine]

My wife was hesitant about cruising with nights aboard. So, we went on several C-Brat cruise gatherings, where we would stay in B&Bs each night. After a while, she realized that we were missing out on the sunset rafted sundowner parties as we had to reach a B&B. From then on, she was happy to stay anchored on the boat at night, as long as we could get to a B&B every few nights. The key ingredient is to cruise with other C-Brats.

[B~C]

so often we look past the proven historical techniques and technology.
https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/portland-s-shanghai-tunnels

[colbysmith]

Speaking as someone that has done many trips with his wife, and without, you really can't make anyone enjoy a boat ride. Either they do or they don't. If you have her permission to go solo, go. If she likes a certain style boating, be sure to do that style also, for her. Trying to force the issue isn't going to make her like long term cruising. However, it's also worth seeing if a compromise would work. Ie, Day by boat on the water, night in a hotel near a slip for your boat. Definitely more pricey, but you have to decide what it's worth to you to have your wife along. Or see if she would like to join you for part of the cruise, and work out the logistics of getting her to your current location and back. My wife enjoys some time to get off the boat and see the local communities. C-Dory gatherings are perfect for that, and she is a social person as well so enjoys meeting others. Trips to Isle Royal and down the Snake and Columbia Rivers are not her thing. (Where most time is spent on the boat, or hiking in the wilderness...) Just my 2 cents. I just showed this to my wife, and she pointed out some other things too, like logistics on the boat. One of the C-Brats wives does not like cooking on the boat, so her husband does all the cooking to allow her to enjoy the cruise more. My wife likes to cook, so all is well! Even when I go solo, she prepares most of my food for me! Colby

[thataway]

There are some women who just don't like or are uncomfortable on boats. First and most important is communication--in a very calm and non confrontational manor. The yellers never get the gals to like boating--and we have seen a lot of that!

Asked your wife to take sincerely about the boating--what she likes and doesn't like--you may have to make some compromises--but explain everything you do. Involve your wife in the decisions, the running of the boat etc. When Marie and I were dating, we took power squadron classes. I didn't indicate my depth of knowledge, and we took the classes as equals.

We started tent camping, and then we converted an 16 passenger widened maxi van "bus" into an RV--she did much of the work on the unit. We started with daysails. We then explored building the ideal cruising boat. We constructed the boat and she had her own projects to do, as well as helping me. Every decision was discussed, and why.

During our shakedown cruise, she said she was cold, wet and not happy. What would make her happy? A larger boat with a pilot house. We stopped that cruise--ran back to the Sacramento Delta and spent over a month there--just taking it easy--and looking a larger pilothouse boats. Eventually we found what we were looking for. she was involved in all of the decision making.

It may be that the GB 2670 is not an ideal cruising boat. For example the 2690 is much better-dinette table, small galley make a huge difference. The solid aft bulkhead, cuts the noise and it can be easily air conditioned, vs the canvas bulkhead...

It may be a diesel trawler with a queen walk around bed may be better for her to do the loop--or even every day cruising...

Does she get seasick? Temperature issues? How comfortable are the seats for her. Sometimes gals really want a separated head.

[Ordutch1975]

Your wife sounds a lot like mine. #1 don't let anything stress you or she will feel it and not want to be around for it. #2 let he express herself, sometimes when I am docking and feel the pressure I get short and that really gets to her. I have learned to let her talk express herself and internalize the stress I might feel in that moment. 3# make it fun. Don't overdo it with trips, make 'em shorter distances with more breaks, bring wine LOTS OF IT, make it a luxury experience for her. Make sure she has the comforts like heat, coffee in the morning and lots of kind gestures/smiles from you. Show her how this is your one on one time. Time to chat, laugh most importantly be happy on your boat. My wife like yours enjoys the finer things in life, show her how this is one of them, make it yours, give her something she can enjoy be it writing about your trips or blogging about them.

Again I will stress number 1 - Don't stress. If you do hide it. Always portray confidence even if you are a bit nervous at some point.

My 2 cents on what worked for us. I think listening to other brats and her seeing how this makes me happy has got her into it. She would never be a boater if it were not for me but we make it fun, about our time together and that is key IMO.

Best of luck! (Mind you my wife would never live on a C-Dory - I could do it she could never do it. As they say "that dog don't hunt"

Last but not least my wife doesn't enjoy like most flying through the waves and a lot of noise. So just go nice and easy, there is no rush, get off the boat let her stretch her legs, have lunch at a cool cafe or dinner place along the way. The worst thing you can do is force it. Its like forcing a a horse to go where it doesn't want to go, rather treat the horse and in time she'll come around. Make it an experience.

[gulfcoast john]

JBD,
Eileen and I think you’re on the right track. First get her happy with marina overnights. In Florida, get shorepower air conditioning via Colemen rooftop (no moving it around hassles), hatch mount or Wal-Mart window unit. We’ll be using AC every night next month at Key West. Best $800 you’ll ever spend. Dew, showers, humidity preclude using just the hatch for us. The AC fan masks a lot of marina noise, even live music. We’re just as comfortable as we are in our own bed (after all, they’re both our own bed). Get a 3-4 inch closed cell foam mattress cover with washable cover for the berth.
Take a USPS boating safety course with her, even if you don’t need it. (Bob posted while I was writing, his idea is better, or they now offer a ‘second in command’ course specifically to make spouses comfortable). He’s right on re calm communication in ALL conditions. From what we have seen, many divorces started at the launch ramp. For Eileen, any boat with a ‘head by the bed’ is a non-starter, ruling out Rosbouroghs, Glacier Bays under 30 feet (they are overwides) , World Cats and many others.
In those boating areas, with her ‘likes’, we highly recommend making ‘base camp’ a transient spot at Moorings at Longboat Key Marina off Sarasota. Make a day trip to those other areas and return to a hot private clean shower with no sand on the floor and great security. Call the free shuttle to dine at St Armand’s Circle. Access to 4 star fitness and tennis. Shuttle to the associated Gulf 4-star resorts for long walks on private Gulf beach, beach chairs and umbrella included. Marina has it’s own pool and hot tub, access to the Gulf front resort pool as well. Each day a different day trip, return to your slip. Rinse and repeat. If she doesn’t enjoy that with a comfy bed and air conditioning and a nice wine in the cockpit at sunset, then she’s not likely to dig anchoring out.

https://www.longboatkeymarina.com/marina

At $3/night ($3.25 in Dec) for a 26 foot, it’s a 4-star experience for $78/night (or stay at the Gulf front resort for $450/night with the same amenities x golf, which is limited to owners as I recall). I was surprised at how welcomed we were. They docked us smack in front of that fancy Italian restaurant, but we ate ready to bake dinners in the toaster oven from the gourmet Publix 2 blocks away.
One bad experience anchoring out at this point in your adventures, and you’ll be hearing about it for the next 50 years or more. Early on, anchoring out is a LOT more likely to result in a bad random experience than a luxury marina…heat, bugs, humidity, unexpected rocking, dragged anchor worries, normal boat noises that are worrisome to the newbie. We have also had absolutely magical times anchored out at the remote barrier islands surrounded by millions of 1- inch sea horses, incredible phosphorescence (a whole new skinny-dipping experience), a sky full of bats at dusk, the most beautiful sunsets. First get her comfortable with nice marinas (staff will come to help with your lines and shore power).
Our early concerns re anchoring out involved anchor dragging into the Gulf or into the ICW ‘ditch’ (not sure which is worse) where we could get run over by a barge full of benzene, or wake up at gunpoint surrounded by Cuban marines. Or hit by some drunk boater aiming for our anchor light. We pretty much beach the boat, which mitigates all those concerns as well as sinking and rocking. You’ll eventually discover her concerns (a shark might jump in the boat!) and together address them realistically. Last week we watched a towboat pushing 2 barges run aground at the worst of all possible places around here, the narrowest cut on the Gulf Coast. The 2 barges broke free and careened on the incoming tide from one side of the ICW to the other, eventually ending up perpendicular to the ICW with each end aground, blocking the whole ICW. Wish I had my camera. The pushboat eventually found deep water, but it took 1.5 hours. We anchor out just on the other side of that sand island spoil…stuff does/can happen.
Re the Bamahas, it can take weeks of waiting for a weather window to cross the Gulf Stream in winter…who even wants to go there in the summer? You’re out of range of Sea-Tow, VHF, good cheap food and wine and help. Same for Ft Jeff, plus no privacy. After the Bamahas recover, take Silver Airways from Ft Lauderdale for a couple hundred bucks round trip.

https://www.silverairways.com/destinations

Take the Seaplane to Ft Jeff (very highly recommended) ,

https://keywestseaplanecharters.com/?utm_source=YahooBing&utm_medium=PPC&utm_campaign=DryTortugasSeaplane&utm_source=YahooBing&utm_medium=PPC&utm_campaign=DryTortugasSeaplane

or the Freedom Cat, with camping gear to stay overnight (prearranged) if you MUST overnight there.

https://www.drytortugas.com/

That route has 10 million lobster pots marked only by small floats that are hidden in the whitecaps and it’s always windy. Both are over-rated as destinations for small powerboats without vast experience or rare weather windows for the non-retired IMHO. Go to both often, just not on your own boat at this point in your joint experience.
On the other hand, there are thousands of great boating locations easily and safely reached by an expedition-quality trailer boat like yours, including the Best Of the Loop, the Best of the Inland Lakes and 10,000 miles of waterways (see Hontoon!) to explore where your crew will rest assured help is nearby if needed and a few bad decisions and/or bad luck is much less likely to result in loss of life or boat.
Apologies in advance to those who have frequently crossed the Gulf Stream and to Ft Jeff in winter with nothing but a stand-up paddleboard, a Grateful Dead T-shirt, and a can of Spam and it was a piece of cake every time. We’re trying to ease her into cruising/overnighting without worries, and that’s not the best way to do it.

Happy Cruising!

John (Eileen's input too)

[thataway]

John,
Don't ever tell Marie about the Moorings at Longboat Key Marina off Sarasota! I'll be in big trouble! $78 ($66 for a 22), fantastic buy, even though it is expensive docking. Probably even for a 60 footer!

[texasair]

Peer pressure, Take her to C-Brat gatherings, and stay in a luxury hotel nearby.
But spend most of the time with the C-Brats. After she hangs out with the C-Brat wives for a couple of days she will be hooked.

Sharon and I started cruising on a 31' houseboat and after a couple of days at Lake Powell with El Fiero we up sized to a 22' C-Dory.

Half of the conversion is the unique capabilities and ease of trailering of the C-Dory and half is the fellowship of the C-Brats.

[jbdba01]

These are all great ideas. I would have never thought about taking a USPS class together.

Yes...she does get seasick - just watching Jacques Cousteau can do it.

I told her that we would stay at marinas to start. 1-2 days max

I get that a GB is not the ideal cruiser - but it does make for a better fisher (IMHO). Which is what she'll be used for primarily. I started with the TC and it didn't meet her needs. So I threw in the towel on the long distance cruise and figured I would get her started on a couple few days. Then if it worked out swap boats [again]. I guess that would get me up to 7 if I include kayaks. All are called Amanda Buff 1,2,3,...AB1, AB2...

I think at the end of the day it'll go something like this - take a course, do a short overnightter. Airbnb a place/yacht to spend the night. Gulf John's in depth suggestion for Longboat might do it - she loves Longboat. Ironically I just bought a paddle board for the GB. (see below). Need a grateful dead shirt...

She has this vision on being "stuck" on a boat for hours on end - I keep telling her that's part of the charm. Slow and go - decompress, that said with the GB I can hit 39 mph and get there in a hurry.

I think it'll be Longboat or even just Palmetto to start - just a day trip.

Thanks guys...

Boat porn follows:



Need to get AB3 situated better on AB2.



My evil plan starts with just taking her to marinas, get her drunk, and then get her to agree to a quit our jobs and go on a 1 year cruise...it's a plan. May not be perfect, but it's a plan. Yes it was cold in Tampa last week - well at least breezy.

[dotnmarty]

Well, this is a long term project, which as Bob says, should start when you're dating. For us it began in the late 50's when, without the proverbial pot to #### in, we would go to the park and look at the ducks and the boats. She, not me, would make comments like "those are some beefy cleats". I would smile and think "what the heck is she talking about?" Years later, when our kids were gone and we could afford a small boat, we went to a boat show and purchased a wonderful 18 footer which we enjoyed for several years. One day we saw a C-Dory and were smitten. Eventually we got a 22 footer with our son and learned to fish and crab quite a bit and enjoy C-Brat get togethers. When our son's family grew and they turned to land camping. we sold the 22 and bought our 16 footer. That little boat brought us more happiness than we had ever imagined. Now, near the end of our journey, we don't dwell on what we never did. Rather we find satisfaction reading of the accomplishments of our friends as well as enjoying the memories of our times on that wonderful 16 footer.

[localboy]

My wife had never been cruising on a boat in her life. We then spent a few summer days, in the San Juans, on my brother's sailboat. That's all it took.

She was hesitant only with safety, navigation etc. She took a CG boating class and then also learned via experience. She's much smarter than I am (seriously) so she is now pretty confident. She does not like maneuvering in tight marinas, but who does... I wanted to teach her that if something happened to me, she could get to a safe marina on her own.

[thataway]

[localboy]

AEDs do work. I have used them and have one save under my belt. I was on-scene within one minute of the call coming out. I arrived w/ a partner, Deputy Greg McKinney, who was on the marine unit for years. He started CPR while I got the unit ready, attached and analyzing.

The funny thing was the look on the medics faces when I told them I administered one shock and it advised for one more... They took over and administered some drug and stabilized the man. He lived to see his grandkids that Christmas, after a quad by-pass.

Greg and I were awarded Life Saving Medals and presented our experiences at Phillips Inc in Bothell, WA manufacturer of the AED unit. If you ask that man and his family was the $1100 spent by the county, per unit, worth it....whatcha think they're gonna say?